The Happy Wife

An E-mail and a Question

2007-02-07T21:29:00.000-08:00

I received the following e-mail today from a friend. I have seen it before, and honestly I think it is funny. But I wonder . . .

To Be Six Again (A Good Laugh)

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked her what she'd like to have for her birthday.
"I'd like to be six again," she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later, they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&Ms. What a fabul0us adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, Dear, what was it like being six again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you dumb a#%!"
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

I hate the moral of this story. If I had written this joke, the moral would be:

A good man will bust his butt to make his woman happy, and even on a diet, a woman is willing to eat everything in front of her, then blame her husband for her fat thighs.

But, then, (and this is what I wonder) would this e-mail really go very far?

That's my opinion. What do you think?

Oh, and if you have a good man, give him an extra kiss tonight.

A Great Day

2007-02-03T21:35:00.000-08:00

I try to always end my letters and e-mails to friends with "Have a Great Day." I have no idea what would be a great day for most of them. But here is an example of a great day for me.

I sleep in a little, then make breakfast with my kids and we watch cartoons for a while. Then, my boss' daughter calls and asks if mine can come over to play. I drop her off and pick up a pay check. After kidnapping my husband from work, I take him and the boys out to lunch. Then, Hunny decides to take the boys to work with him the rest of the day. Hmmm - what to do with myself. I do my grocery shopping - by myself, getting what I need and not a bunch of other stuff. Then I stop at a few specialty shops to browse. You know these shops - when three kids walk in, the person behind the counter has a heart attack. After wandering around those to my heart's content, I spend an hour visiting with a friend. Then, I return home and put my groceries away. Very soon, my men arrive home and I make them dinner. They settle in to watch a movie, and I spend the evening blogging and getting ready for potluck at church tomorrow. Aaah! Someday, I will have a great day like that.

Oh, wait. I just did.

Hope yours was great, too.

What made it great?

Little Debbi

2007-01-19T19:30:00.000-08:00

My daughter, Abigail, is a mini-me. If her big blue eyes and wild hair don't give her away, talk to her for two minutes. She has my sense of humor, my smile, my sarcasm (not even cute in an eight-year-old). She is, as my husband calls her, a "Little Debbi."

Her sense of style is one of the areas that she takes after me. Often, she will come out of her room ready for church, and I will get the "are you going to let her wear that?" look from Hubby. The answer is, if it's modest and clean, yes. Absolutely.

I am a mom who picks her fights, and this is not one of them. So, her skirt is polka dotted and her shirt is striped. In eternity will it really matter? What? Is God going to give us wings that match what we wore to church the last Sunday before we died? I don't think so. As the Bible says, God looks on the heart. With Abby, I hope he sees a kind, selfless person who desires to please Him.

Another area that Abby is following in my footsteps is her dealings with boys. That became apparent today. She twisted the stem off her apple, "A, B, C, - I got C, Mom. Who's that?" After we kicked around a couple names, I suggested Corey. Her response, "I don't think he'll want to marry me. I beat him up the last time I saw him." Ah, that's my girl.

So, in a few years, she will be chasing the boys - or they her - and making sure her outfits match. Until then, I am going to enjoy the stripedy, polka-dotty tomboy. It will be over way to soon.

Mean English

2007-01-03T12:51:00.000-08:00

Ah, the joys of the English language. We have two kinds of people in our church. It's a small church, so I know this. The first group has a strong grasp of proper English and like to flaunt it. The second group couldn't care less if they tried.

This has led to many interesting, and sometimes a little heated, discussions during fellowship times. I have come to the conclusion that it is our pastor's fault. He doesn't like us to argue over doctrinal issues - you know, pre- wrath or post-wrath rapture, which version of the Bible, etc. (Is that right, Bear?) So, our church has chosen English. My Lands.

The biggest argument seems to be the use of "me" and "I." Bill was always saying "Me and Brian went to work this morning." or "Me and Jenny went on a date." Then his friend, Allen, would say, "Jenny, why are you being so mean?" (Mean Jenny . . . - get it?) This went on for months. Made me so mad, I would have to leave the room everytime it came up. SO WHAT? Bill can't talk. He's honest, he's doesn't beat his wife and none of his kids are in jail. Hey, that's good enough for me.

Anyway, Bill has caved. He now says, "Jenny and I. . ." Which is nice, but if Allen is in earshot, Bill continues, "Did you hear that Allen - Jenny and I?" And Allen smiles like he's some kind of great English professor. Personally, I think the big bully should be ashamed of himself.

So, Allen is out of town, and a bunch of us got together for New Years Eve. While playing a game, someone asked, "Who is the judge?" To which Jenny (yes, Bill's date) responded - "Me - well, I." So the discussion began. When you say the word by itself is it "me" or "I?" Blah Blah Blah Yadda Yadda. Finally, they decided it was "I." Bill asked, "So, when is it 'me'?" I answered, "When Allen and Jenny aren't in the room."

Spelling is another problem with which some people could use help. My husband and I have a running joke about this because he is one of those people. I have learned to help him when he asks and let it go when he doesn't. Know what? If he writes "Twienty dollers" on a check, the bank still cashes it for twenty dollars.

So, last night, a young lady who has recently started courting was reading her love's e-mail. She turned to her parents and my husband and I and said, "He spelled write w-r-i-g-h-t." As we talked about that for a minute, she said it was okay. I gave her a little advice. "If you think you are going to want to correct his spelling later, correct it now, so he knows what he is getting into. Don't let him do it wrong now, then try to change him after you're married." I don't know what she decided to do - probably not to correct him, because she makes mistakes, too.

So, in conclusion, English and I get along. But people who are picky about it scare me. That's when Me-an English part comapny.

I'm Officially Old!!!

2007-01-02T17:03:00.000-08:00

Growing up, I always heard people say, "The older you get the faster time goes," and "It seems like just yesterday we were ringing in last year!" The last two years, I got it!! Holy Cow! I swear it should still be the middle of 2005. That was the first year that I really felt like time flew. Where did that year go? I wasn't even that busy.

Needless to say, 2006 was worse. I now have a son in the two digits age, and a daughter who thinks she can choose her style better than I can. All of my children are old enough to teach younger children the proper way to say certain words, and they are bold enough to try. Last year, I had a year to plan a one month vacation to PA. Now, I have less than three months. I need to start packing!

I am dreading how fast 2007 will go. If it's anything like I anticipate, look for me on January 3, 2008. See you way too soon.

The Busy Wife

2006-07-18T15:25:00.000-07:00

Well, just in case anyone ever checks to see if I'm still alive, I am. Sheesh!! I am working at a Bed and Breakfast for the summer - LOVE it. I was very busy, and ended up letting the virus protection run out on our computer at home. I still haven't had time to resubscribe. So, today I'm at the library checking e-mails and blogging.

The marriage is going well - maybe because we're so busy we're too tired to fight - haha. Seriously, my husband has been helping out around the house, since he was off for a week while I was very busy. Since then, we've been putting forth a team effort in the kitchen a few times a week. I really enjoy working with him. Now, he's back to work, so I'm sure I'll be on my own again. Oh well.

Schmoozin' and 'Busin'

2006-05-21T21:47:00.000-07:00

My husband actually hit me this morning. Haha! I know - after the last post, that does not sound good. But in reality it was funny.

The past few days have been better. We kissed, made up and have been getting along. Then we went to a graduation. I sat down with my pastor and his wife with some food and Pastor started talking about the building our church is looking to buy, how promising it is, that there are rooms already that would make Sunday school rooms, etc. He's all excited about this idea. Turns out, the whole church has been talking about it for weeks - except for me. I had no clue.

When we got home, my husband pulled the whole "I was gonna tell ya," thing. Oh brother. Anyway, now I know, I'm okay. But this morning, I was teasing him about our lack of communication. After he went back to the computer, I decided I better go a little easy on him, so I walked up behind him to place a kiss on the back of his neck.

"AAH!!" He jumped and swung. His fist connected with my forehead. Thank God it wasn't my eye. He had really been into his work and I startled him pretty bad. My word. He said I should know by now not to sneak up on him, but I didn't think I was. Oh well!!! Now I do know.

Wow! A whole month

2006-05-18T15:49:00.000-07:00

I was looking at my blog and realized that it has been a month since I posted. I logged in and tried to blog. It has taken nearly ten minutes to get to this post. Sheesh!! No wonder I don't blog often.

Anyway, the marriage is great - haha! We've been arguing like cats and dogs lately. He has finally started leading in devotions as a couple, but by now, I'm so tired of the whole mess, that I often feel like a hipocrite. But he's doing something, so I will NOT complain.

On a good note - nope there aren't any good notes this week.

Have a wonderful day everybody.

Slow Season is Over

2006-04-14T11:58:00.000-07:00

I think that every self-employed person must go through the "slow season." We certainly do. This year, it only lasted one week, thank God.

Every year, it's the same. The first day is fine. Hubby buries himself in the office, catching up on paperwork. The rest of the family lives life as usual.

The second day, things start to disintegrate. A movie in the middle of the day, lunch lasts an extra hour because of the burping contest and the "Who can Ask the Stupidest Question?" game, there is a wrestling match in the middle of English class.

By the third day, he is out of control. He is getting antsy and I'm looking through "Help Wanted" ads.

This is usually the day he decides to hire himself as my interior decorator. This year it was the bathroom scale, which I keep in the kitchen. Don't ask. That's where I like it. So, for a couple days we did the passive agrressive thing. I would move it to the kitchen, he would move it to the bathroom. I finally left it in the bathroom. Then, he announced that he would be back at work the next day.

Sigh! Life is back to normal. And the scale is back in the kitchen.

While the Cat's Away . . .

2006-04-03T11:25:00.000-07:00

Hubby went on a men's retreat last week. He had a very good time. The main speaker was a preacher that we knew when we lived in Pennsylvania. That was cool.

Anyway, while he was gone, I painted our bedroom. Not all of it. Just an accent wall. No, I'm not really into accent walls. But I didn't want to spend a lot of money and we only had enough paint to do one wall. So I painted the wall opposite from the office end of the room, and I made curtains from some material I had. I was actually pleased with the finished product. Check out my kids' blog, if you'd like to see it. I posted it there so Gramma can see it, too.

So, my husband came home at 2 am and as he approached our bedroom, he said, "I smell paint. It isn't pink is it?" And it isn't. He like the final result, too. So, for now, we have a "new" bedroom and we are enjoying the fruit of my labor.

Tough Questions

2006-03-24T12:54:00.000-08:00

Well, our weekend getaway was fun. We took care of the business, went bowling, ate out a couple times, watched a few movies at the hotel, and worked on our Retreat Checklist. This last part was what my husband dreaded.

Question 1: What did we like about this past year?
Question 2: What did we dislike about this past year?
Question 3: What can we do to help our children in their growth - spiritual, mental, etc.?

And a few more. We had some very good discussions, although it took me some time to get him warmed up to some of the subjects. We were able to talk about a few strageties we need to work on and a few habits - in me, in him and in the kids -that we need to put an end to. All in all, it was a great couple days.

Then, at about 4 pm the day after we got home, he asked me the toughest question of all: "What's for dinner?"

2006-03-14T17:34:00.000-08:00

Hunny and I are going away for a couple days this week. We're mixing business with pleasure. The kids will be staying at friends', while we enjoy a three-star hotel in Anchorage. After I deal with our oldest son's Social Security issues, we will be attending the Home Show where Hunny will observe the latest and greatest in Alaskan building options.

Other than that we have two days to ourselves. He is not completely looking forward to it because I recently read an article about the annual retreat, and there was a list of things for a couple to discuss while enjoying their uninterrrupted time. I think I've scared him :)

Ah, well, he'll get over it. As long as I keep the "uninterrupted" conversation from interrupting his channel surfing time, we should be good. HaHa!

Make your own Darn Sandwich

2006-03-06T14:07:00.000-08:00

Hubby and I had a wakeup call this weekend.

My husband is a hard worker. All day every day, week after week, year after year, he busts his butt to provide for his family. In blinding snow, cutting wind, chilling rain, blazing sun, the man builds houses for other people so that he can provide a home for us.

So, this weekend, he was off for two days. Now let me say, when my hunny gets a chance to relax, he does it right. No such thing as a half way job - even when it comes to being lazy for a change. On Saturday, he was in full lazy guy mode, watching "Dukes of Hazard" on DVD and goofing off with his kids. At about two pm, he got off the couch long enough to come into my kitchen.

In the kitchen, I was cleaning up from feeding the kids lunch a couple hours earlier and making two kinds of cookies - one for my family and one for church.

Hubby walked into the kitchen and said, "Do you have anything for lunch?" I replied, "There's ham and cheese in the fridge, here's the bread." He laid it on the counter and said, "Nah, I'm not really that hungry." I was furious. "You're willing to pull me away from what I'm doing, but if it means lifting a finger yourself, you're not hungry?!!"

He ended up making a sandwich and eating it, but I think it was out of guilt not hunger.

So, his wakeup call was that he had two hands, and he was completely capable of doing it himself. He realized he was inconsiderate of what was going on with me. He admitted later, "I was a jerk."

My wakeup call was this ( hold on, all you women's libbers): I am my husband's servant, just as he is mine. I have been trying to keep my focus on the fact that my purpose in life, in part, is to please my husband. So, I was in the middle of making these great brownies he likes when he asks me to make a ham sandwich. Aren't the brownies enough? The answer, of course, was "no." By ignoring the loving he needed right now, I cancelled out the love he was going to feel later when he ate the brownies. So, we apologized to each other.

Then, Sunday, the guys were telling their new favorite joke: "How many men does it take to pour a glass of milk? None, the glass should be full when she hands it to me." (Our guys aren't really like that)

So, the joke in our house is: How many guys does it take to make a ham sandwich?

Answered Prayers and Sore Throats

2006-02-27T14:44:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard it said, "Be careful what you pray for - you might get it." Well, it's true. And I'm sick.

Last week, most of my family had a cold. Stuffed sinuses, sore throat, some coughing. The only one who hadn't gotten it yet was Hubby. On Wednesday, just as I started to get ove mine, he started to get stuffy. But he had two more days in his work week. So I prayed.

I asked God if He could not let my husband get a cold. Even if he were half dead, I knew my husband would go to work. And I worry about him because you really shouldn't be running power tools and balancing on roofs when your body is concentrating on getting better. So, I asked God if someone really had to be sick for the next few days, I would take Hubby's share of the cold. AND GOD ANSWERED MY PRAYER.

I have been sick - so far - four days longer than anyone else. And Hubby didn't get sick at all.

But yesterday at church, Hubby told everyone why I'm still sick. Everyone. From the pulpit. I was so embarassed. I could feel myself blushing. Do you know how long it has been since I felt all the blood run to my face and set it to glowing in front of everyone? I told Hubby I will never tell him about my prayers again. :)

Ah, My Valentine's Present

2006-02-17T11:20:00.000-08:00

In a comment from my previous post, one of my faithful readers asked what I ended up getting for Valentines Day. So here's my Valentine to remember.

My husband took me literally when I told him that the banquet was enough. He came home from work and graciously accepted my gift of a card and a pint of Phish Food ice cream. He then asked if he had been supposed to get me something, since I HAD made that comment about the banquet. I assured him it was fine and it was. This meant I could go get what I REALLY wanted.

So, after dinner, I headed into town for a pint of Haagen Dazs (they were out of coffee :( I ended up with chocolate peanutbutter, my second choice) and a romantic movie. I was - truly - happy.

Until we watched the movie. I had rented "City of Angels." Since all my friends have a habit of telling me the entire movie when I ask about one, I hadn't asked anyone. And in case you have not seen it, I will not tell you how it ends. Just let me say, a wife with a red runny nose is not the greatest Valentine gift. Poor Hubby.

So, last night we watched "13 going on 30." Much better. So, I guess my Valentine gift ended up being that he sat through TWO romantic movies in one week. Four hours of time. Not many gals get that. :)

How We Met

2006-02-14T17:20:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed the post by Mamalicious so well, that I am going to join her in telling the world how I met my husband. I'll try to post a link to her blog in case you want to read hers, too, but I'm not promising anything. I'm computer challenged.

How we met. Well, I have a photo of my husband in kindergarten with my little brother. And I do remeber him from that time frame. A cute little boy with big, brown eyes and glasses - not quite coke bottle. But, then he moved.

Fast forward fifteen years. I was a single mom, getting my act back together. My newborn son and I were attending the church I had grown up in. One week, a young man was sitting a few pews in front of my sister and I. White shirt, tan pants, and leather braided suspenders. Honestly, the first thing about my husband that I was attracted to was his butt. It's still pretty tight, too.

Anyway, another gal in our church took a liking to him. Poor guy. I can't describe this girl without being unkind, so I won't. But the second thing that attracted me to my husband was how kind he was to her. He was the first guy I had ever known who was patient with her flamboyant advances. He even accepted a Valentine card graciously. Yet to this day, when I say her name he shudders.

Oh, a second girl had taken a shining to him - my sister. He is a good looking guy. So, one Friday evening a bunch of us were getting together at my place and she talked me into inviting him. I left a note on his apartment door. I was a single mom, had no real interest in dating and was more than happy to help my sister hook up with a cute, church-going guy.

Only things didn't go that way. As we got to know him, we discovered that he wasn't the goody-two shoes that we had at first suspected. He actually fit very well into our crowd. So he started spending more and more time with us. And it happened, he started flirting with me. Whoa! Wait! Stop! I talked to my sister. She said she didn't mind if I decided to date him. So, after much consideration, I decided to go for it. Within weeks, he was at my house every evening for dinner and playing with my son as if he were his own.

We got engaged in July - five months after we started dating - and were married in October. My son said "Daddy" before he said "Mommy" and we had our first child together before our first anniversary.

Oh and a few years after we got married, my sister told me that she's glad I'm the one that "got stuck" with him, because she would have killed him. Honestly, I'm glad I got stuck with him, too.

So, there it is. And I'll repeat Mamlicious' question - how did you meet your sweety? By the way, I got a link to her blog, but that's all I could figure out. Sorry.

The Perfect Valentine

2006-02-11T11:42:00.000-08:00

Every year, about February 13th, our Pastor says - "We should have a Valentine Banquet." Well, this year I remembered that in January. And my husband gave me the perfect Valentine.

When I first mentioned it to Hubby - "Should I talk to Pastor about a Banquet?" He didn't seem very enthused, so I dropped it. A few days later, he said, "Did you talk to him?" He then spent a few minutes encouraging me to do it, and listening to my ideas.

So, last night, we had a Sweetheart Banquet - complete with a small gift for each couple and a nice photo op corner with red, pink and white balloons. Besides planning the event, I made my dress out of some material I'd been saving. And the church presented me with a dozen roses as a thank-you for the evening. All because my husband encourages me to use my talents. I am floating this morning.

Plus, and this part is amazing, he got me a corsage. I never mentioned a corsage to him, but when I thought about the possibility that he'd get me one, I thought that I'd like a wrist corsage. Unlikely since he's never gotten me one for my wrist.
Lo and behold, as we're leaving for the banquet, he hands me a corsage and says, "I hope you don't mind that it's a wrist corsage." Wow! The start of a perfect night.

Great Valentine Gift Ideas

2006-02-08T17:15:00.000-08:00

"There's always the obvious - flowers, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep." a favorite misquote from Disney's Beauty and the Beast.

My list of wonderful - and inexpensive - Valentine gifts.

A Back Massage

A Full Body Massage

Rent a Romantic Movie - and watch it with me

Help with the dishes one night

Any chore around the house that you don't usually do

A Pint of Haagen Dazs (sp?) coffee ice cream

A Walk

Tweny minutes of uninterupted time spent talking - or quiet

Those high heels I was looking at at Payless

A new nail polish that you think might look good on me

Help making dinner

You could fill my CD player with my fave romantic CD's for me to listen to all day (it still has the kids' Christmas music in it)

A Card with a heartfelt note in it

A photo of you

There's a few - anyone have any other ideas to add?

Poor Valentine

2006-02-07T11:21:00.000-08:00

Poor Hubby got a revelation last night. We're on this new Spending Plan thing, and he asked me last night how much money he had to spend on me for Valentine's. I responded, "You've got your spending money for the month, don't you?" "That's all I have?" "Yep." There was a long silence. "I guess we'll find out how creative you are," I said. He reminded me that I already know that. He's right. But I'm not bending. We need to quit spending money as if we're dying tomorrow. And I'd rather get nothing for Valentine's Day if that's what it takes to get him to figure that out.

I do have a definite advantage, though. I am very creative. So he'll still get a gift.

Commitment

2006-01-30T21:42:00.000-08:00

We went to the Peninsula Winter Games this weekend. Hubby met us there for lunch, then took our oldest boy home, while the little ones and I enjoyed a few more activities, then we went home for dinner.

Later in the evening, as we were getting ready to leave for the fireworks, we got a call for a road kill moose. Since we had promised the kids the fireworks, we called someone else on our list to get the moose. But we had to go to the site until they arrived. It ended up that we watched most of the fireworks on the way to them. We were out of the car in time for a few and the finale, then we enjoyed the huge bonfire for a while before we headed home.

The kids complained a little but we were able to teach them that sometimes responsibilities interfere with fun. The important part is that we keep a good attitude. I don't know if they got it, but I did.

With all the other problems we have, I am aware that my husband is responsible. When he says he will be somewhere or do something, he does it. I don't know why I have so much trouble believing that he is capable of doing the same for me. But it is going a little easier for me after my revelation this weekend.

Trusting God

2006-01-26T11:38:00.000-08:00

I knew it was going to happen. So, why was I surprised when, in our first month of committing to handle our finances RIGHT, I chipped a tooth and my husband's truck broke? Yes, I mean broke, not broke down. By the time we are done fixing everything and paying for it all, we will be out $3800. The blue book value is only $5000. I about choked.

After reading "Debt-Proofing . . . " Hubby and I have everything set up - our Contingency Fund, our Freedom Fund, our Debt Repayment Plan - all of it. Of course, there isn't actually any money in several parts of it yet - including the truck repair fund.

I think Hubby was a little peeved when I told him how much he could pay the mechanic right now. He wanted at least a thousand more. I told him no. We have other things to consider, and they are going to have to wait for their money - just like everyone else right now.

But the hardest part of this is trusting God. I know that the whole situation has been God saying "This money is not yours. I will provide it and you will spend it for my glory." I have started to trust a bunch of paperwork to get us out of debt and not God.

On the surface, I know He is able, and I know in His time, we will have the financial freedom that we need to truly be honoring to Him with our finances, but patience and trust are not my forte. So, all that knowledge needs to be put into action. Then I will rely on Him, and then I will have peace.

Finances

2006-01-16T12:20:00.000-08:00

Hubby and I are currently going through a financial makeover. You would think, since we own a business, that we would have handled this area years ago. But we haven't. So here we are into our thirties (okay, he's twenty-nine) and we have nothing. Well, it's not quite that bad. We have each other and the kids - and the dog. But I - and he says he - want the security of a few months' worth of income in the bank. I'd like to quit paying outrageous fees on maxed out credit cards. I don't like living paycheck to paycheck - that's too stressful when you own your own business and don't know exactly when the next paycheck is coming.

So, I just finished reading "Debt-Proof your Marriage" by Mary Hunt. It's good. I am trying to implement what she said. The melancholy in us is saying "we'll see," the choleric in me is saying "I will kill you if you use that debit card for anything other than fuel right now," and I'm not sure what in him keeps whining "But what about you?" I have a feeling we are going to go through another marital fire before this is over.

So, after many months, I have a new question: Do you have financial harmony in your marriage? If so, what do you do to attain that?

2006-01-13T11:29:00.000-08:00

There they are - my favorite guys - hee hee.

The Perfect Christmas Present

2006-01-05T11:31:00.000-08:00

I got a locket for Christmas - a genuine 14 karat, diamond in the middle, I've been asking for eight years for, locket. It is beautiful, and I love it. There was only one downside - I knew I was getting it.

There is this teenager that spends some time with the kids and I - she is great with them, and helps me out sometimes. Well, a few days befire Christmas, she went Chrstmas caroling with us and some others from church. Between houses, she and I were talking about Christmas gifts and I mentioned that Brian had no idea what to get me. She said she had ideas and she mentioned a locket - I told her at some point in the past that I'd like one.

So, the day before Christmas, she was over helping us decorate for the party and she told me that she had discussed my Christmas present with Brian. Of course, she had told him that I wanted a locket. When she told me that, I knew what I was getting. She said no, that he wasn't getting me that, but I knew better.

So, I got my locket. I do love it. I did tell her that if she tells him again what I want for Christmas, not to tell me that she did. It would have been even better as a total surprise.

So, anyway, I had a little fun with it. I went looking for a photo of Hubby to put in it and I came across a photo of our local baseball farm team's mascot. I put that in my locket. HEHE! That was good for a laugh. Now, I have Hubby on one side and "Scoop" on the other. I don't know when I'll take Scoop out.

Huh! I was gonna try to upload a picture of my locket, but something won't let me. Maybe I'll try again later.

I'm Dreaming of a Right Christmas

2005-12-23T12:43:00.000-08:00

The title of this blog was inspired by the song I imagine is going through Hubby's head now. Last night, he asked me what he is supposed to get me for Christmas. I thought about choking him to death and spending his life insurance for my Christmas present. Not really. But I've been hinting for at least three months of various things I would like for Christmas and he says he has no idea what to get me.

I didn't help him out. I said, "I want something from your heart." He probably would have preferred that I say, "I want that $3,000 ring I was looking at in the ad last week." But, he's on his own. He knows where to shop, he knows what I like, he even knows that I flat out tell the kids, "If your Dad asks, I want this for Christmas." So, I refused to tell him what I want. This does two things for him that he may not realize. It forbids be from being able to be disappointed, because I could have gotten exactly what I wanted, and it gives him the freedom to spend - or not spend - as much as he wants. I don't think he realizes how much a winning situation this is for him.

Well, I have to go get ready for my Christmas Eve party. Feel free to stop in - hee hee. Have a VERY Merry Christmas.

Thanksgiving

2005-12-13T13:21:00.000-08:00

By the way, how was everyone's Thanksgiving? Did you all have a good holiday? Ours was nice - quieter than usual. There were only fifteen of us. Bearsie, did you go to PA? Did anyone eat anything unusual? Did anyone have snow? Is everyone now into gear for Christmas?

Christmas in the Air?

2005-12-13T13:15:00.000-08:00

Hey! I'm back. Holy Cow. I can't believe it has been almost a month since I wrote. We're doing okay here - except the husband is getting wierd.

It started Sunday when he kept leaning on me in church. Not just leaning to me, so that our shoulders were touching, leaning ON me. And you should have heard him laugh when my six-year-old started the same thing on the other side of me. I felt like a mom sandwich.

He hasn't stopped. He hugs me wierd, he grins at me different. It isn't completely unusual. He sometimes gets this way if he's off work for a few weeks. But he isn't. He's still working summer hours well into winter. He's exhausted. But he's still wierd.

So, I'm hoping he has something up his sleeve. Maybe he has gotten me this awesome Christmas gift and is having trouble containing his excitiement. Hey, it's Christmas. I can hope, can't I?

Love in Hubby's Language

2005-11-17T22:47:00.000-08:00

I recently finished reading "The Five Love Languages." I borrowed it from a friend. Before, I had a concept of what the book was about, having read a lot ABOUT it, but I was thrilled to read it myself.

First, Hubby is angry at me because I read the book in two days. Ha,Ha, apparently he loses weight well and I read well. Poor guy. He tries so hard sometimes to get into certain books. He HATES reading. And I don't use that word lightly.

Anyway, my primary language is physical touch. I love being touched, and touching. The other night, when my husband hadn't remembered something I had told him, I told him as long as he touches me while he doesn't listen to me, I'm okay.

But my husband's primary love language is acts of service. I have been keeping the house cleaner more consistently because I realize he hears "I love you" in a clean house.

The problem is this. One act of service I could do for him would be to lose weight. Another act of service that he really enjoys is baked goods. These two should not belong in the same love language. I don't bake anything without trying it. Aargh! I'm so frustrated.

I have decided to lose some weight for him for Christmas. I don't expect to lose the whole 45 pounds I need to, but I don't think 15 - 20 is unreasonable. We'll see. Anyone know a great holiday diet? HAHA

Patience is Who's Virtue?

2005-11-11T12:24:00.000-08:00

This is another lesson I learned a little bit of while my Hubby and I weren't speaking. we are talking now, by the way. Things are going great. Last night, we talked about how to discuss needs and problems we have without losing our cools.

Anyway, the lesson was patience. After we had our big argument, and I finally surrendered to allow God to do the work in my life, I felt a very calm assurance that I needed to allow my husband to apologize first. No, this was not an "I'm not gonna do it, he's gonna have to do it" moment. It was more about if I truly want him to lead our home, then this is where God wants me to start.

So, we spent a whole week not talking. I got up in the morning, made his lunch, went through my day as usual, made his dinner, did his laundry and prayed for us. But we only said to each other things that absolutely needed said.

I think the climax to this whole thing was Friday night when we took the kids to a Harvest Festival. We spent three hours in public with our children and hardly said anything to each other. I just kept praying for patience, and for God to have me completely ready to be a great wife when the time came.

Finally, on Sunday, I manipulated things a little. I took us breakfast in bed. But I didn't say anything. We had completely finished when he finally said, "I'm sorry about last week." I answered, "Me, too." ( hey, guys get away with that, why can't I?:) ) He said, "This week sucked." And I couldn't agree more. We talked for a while, then started our day.

This week has been better. I find myself falling into the old trap of "my marriage is okay, so everything is okay" and I need to steer away from that. I am learning to keep my mouth shut when he doesn't do exactly what I'd like when I'd like, and I'm finding that it works out fine. Last night, I read a little prayer that states the attitude I want to acquire:

"Dear Lord, like a child with her mom, when I say now, I mean right now! Thank you for not always dropping everything in the universe and rushing to my rescue. Instead, you have allowed me to feel my neediness and experience my limitations so I will understand that it is you who will (eventually) save me. I don't want to refuse your perfect plan; I want to find refuge in you. Then I will have the stamina to make it to the end. Amen"

Opportunity for Miracles

2005-11-07T14:27:00.000-08:00

Wow! Two posts in one day. And I need to write 10,000 words for my novel, and finish cleaning up after the moose butchering party we had this weekend. Busy, busy, busy.

What I learned while my husband and I were apart. Here's the big one.

Judges 3: 1,2,4 "Now these are the nations which the Lord left to prove Israel by them, even as many of Israel as had not known the wars of Canaan; Only that the generations of the children of Israel might know, to teach them war, at the least such as before knew nothing thereof . . . And they were to prove Israel by them, to know whether they would hearken unto the commandments of the Lord, which he commanded their fathers by the hand of Moses."

This is, of course, the story of the generation of Israelites who lived after Joshua died. Their grandparents had seen Egypt conquered, crossed the Red Sea and had their needs met for forty years in the desert. Their parents had crossed the Jordan, marched around Jericho, and seen the Lord win many battles. God deliberately left nations in the land of Canaan to test this generation for faithfulness to Him. Would they fight the battles required to maintain their relationship with him? Would they allow Him to work the same miracles in their lives that their parents and grandparents witnessed? God already knew the answer - they didn't. They turned away from Him.

But what will I do with their example? Am I willing to fight the giants in my life to maintain the realtionships that God has put in my life? Am I going to allow Him to work miracles that will draw me closer to Him? Or will I move in with the giants, ignore His commands and worship other gods?

Honestly, I have been worshipping other gods. I have been overdependent on my husband for my moods. I have spent too much time "worshipping" our marriage - which does need it's own balanced share of attention.

Later in the week, after thinking about that passage for a couple days, I came across this quote: "What if God didn't design marriage to be 'easier'? What if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place? What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"

So, I have changed my focus. I want to be holy. I know that ultimately that will lead to me being peaceful and joyful, which is better than surface happiness. There it is. My simple lesson.

On turning 33

2005-11-07T14:12:00.000-08:00

Yes, on the 23rd of this month, I will be thirty-three. A commenter on a previous post asked me about how I feel about that. So, here's a few random thoughts about my age.

Since everybody does the whole "I'm still twenty-nine" thing, I'm trying a new approach. I married a man who is nearly four years younger than me. Since we are "one flesh" then "WE" are his age - he is, after all, the head of the home. So, until June, we were 28. In June, we turned 29. Next year, we'll be thirty.

My best friends are all older than me. So, I still feel young.

Someone said that the thirties is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. Well, my body is falling apart, when does my head come together?

My twenty-fourth birthday has actually been the worst so far. It was on that birthday that I realized that I had been doing something that required skill for twenty years. (roller skating) Next year, that will be thiry years. Leave it to me not to be bothered by the big 0's.

The worst part about my thirties so far has been that I know I'm approaching 35 - the year when you really start losing muscle weight. That scares me to death.

The best part about my thirties so far has been my kids. I love being the major influence in their lives. It' s a little frightening, but totally worth it when we get it right.

All in all, I think I feel pretty positive about my age. I hated my teen years, and my twenties were pretty turbulent. I feel myself mellowing out, and it's a good feeling.

About Me - Second Installment

2005-11-03T21:08:00.000-08:00

Hubby and the kids are watching "I Love Lucy," so I thought I'd come to the computer and try the next twenty-five.

26. I'm not really a red-head.

27. I have the temper of a redhead - who'd have guessed.

28. My favorite drink is a Snickers Mocha Freeze from Java Junction.

29. One of my dreams is to own a Bed and Breakfast. My husband think I should NOT name it "The Loony Binn."

30. My favorite joke is, "What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a chicken? A Pit Bull."

31. I totally bombed my last test in high school. Yes, there is a reason, a very good looking one.

32. In college, I was labelled a left wing liberal for suggesting that if a man's family is starving, he has no right to own a gun worth a few hundred dollars.

33. Despite considering myself a hunter, I have never actually shot anything more alive than a tin can.

34. I have caught a fish.

35. I grew up on a farm and hated it.

36. I can't remember a single hired hand that Dad had on the farm that I didn't have a crush on at some point.

37. I once helped free a sparrow hawk from our milk house. Throwing him into the air was scary, watching him fly was awesome.

38. I love lilacs and apple blossoms.

39. I am actually working on that 45 pounds I mentioned last time.

40. I'm very hungry right now - and I just ate.

41. My birthday is this month - I will be 33.

42. I have been in three weddings in my lifetime - including my own.

43. I have attended more weddings than I can count - including two of former boyfriends.

44. I am writing a novel this month. It's National Novel Writing Month.

45. Most of my writing is loosely based on someone or something real in my life.

46. I don't really like animals, though I wouldn't mind having a nice quiet cat who liked to curl in my lap while I read.

47. My labor with my boys was considerably longer than with my girl.

48. During my first pregnancy, I craved chocolate peanut butter ice cream. Every week, I ate a half gallon on my day off, then I'd be good for the week.

49. After my wedding, my maid of honor, one of the bridesmaids, and a groomsman went to a movie. I really wanted to go, too. (Should I have realized something then?)

50. I'm tired and going to bed.

Day Four and Counting

2005-11-03T11:21:00.000-08:00

So, here we are in day four of not talking to each other. Ha, Ha, what a hoot. I'll bet he never realized I had it in me to go that long without a decent conversation.

Well, I've got news for him. I've been talking to someone else. You see, this last fight finally broke me, and I went running into someone else's arms. On Sunday, after I spent hours trying to get Hubby to see my side - any part of it - he said, "Okay, stop. I need some room." I don't know how to explain what happened. I snapped. Something in my heart said, "He's right. Shut up." So I did.

So, I spent much of Monday angry, but saying nothing. I did some praying, as I said, lots of writing. Usually ten pages starts to calm me down. I won't write him a letter because he doesn't read, and when he does he forgets it within a few days.

Monday night as I crawled into bed, my eyes fell on a magazine. A book advertised on the page was titled, "Is God Enough for You?" And I realized He hasn't been. I mean mentally I know He should be, but I haven't been allowing Him to be.

So, I slept on the couch that night. And I dreamed about an old married couple who died choking each other. Even in death, we couldn't get their hands off each other's throats. No, I wasn't angry. :)

Tuesday, it started. I threw myself completely into the arms of God. I began to pray. I began to seriously ask God what to do about my marriage. And he has basically said, "Wait." I will probably take a few posts to share some of the things I've learned about my marriage and what God expects of me. Hope you gals don't get bored. I'd share them now, but this post is already getting long.

The Angry Wife

2005-10-31T11:43:00.000-08:00

I have a huge gripe session going on in my head right now. I have a bruise on my hand from punching the wall yesterday, and I had to buy a new deodorant this morning cuz I threw the other one and broke it. I can hear Bearsie thinking, "Ah, yes, that's the Debbi I know."

My husband admits he doesn't try very hard at our marriage, he doesn't think I can do anything else, but he totally blows his stack if I so much as suggest that our lives aren't perfect and then it comes up that it might be his fault. Look out, Alaska!!

The part I really hate is that we argued much of yesterday, put on our smiles for church, then came home and argued more. It makes me want to retch when we do that.

So, today, I'm doing a lot of deep breathing, some praying, and more eating than I should.

How do you deal with marriage stress? Any relaxation techniques you could share?

About Me

2005-10-28T11:26:00.000-07:00

I have noticed some other bloggers have posts "100 Things About Me." I think you are supposed to do it on a certain day of the week, but I'm doing it today. And I'm not doing 100 things today. And please notice it doesn't say "interesting things." So, here we go.

1. I grew up in the same house my dad did, and my kids spent much of their first years in that house.

2. I have several "moms." My real mother was very good about letting me learn A LOT from others.

3. I grew up in a Christian home, but didn't get saved until I was in college.

4. I have known my bestest friend for 24 years.

5. I had a whole bunch of facts about myself ready for this until I started typing - now I can't remember them.

6. My first car was a Subaru Justy - someday I want to own a Mercury Cougar - preferably one from the 60's or 70's.

7. My first job was at McDonald's. It's the only job I've had that I didn't like.

8. My second job was a photography studio.

9. My aunt was a foreman at one of my jobs. I loved it when people badmouthed her, then I 'd tell them I was her niece.

10. The first thing I noticed about my husband was his butt.

11. Our first date was with my brother and his best friend. To this day, I call it a double date, and they get angry.

12. Then best part about my Christmas since I was about eight has been the Christmas Eve party. For the last four years I have hosted them.

13. Since moving to Alaska, I do absolutely nothing on Christmas day. It's wonderful.

14. Autumn is my favorite season.

15. I once visited Maine and spent a whole week looking for a moose. Now, I see moose almost every day.

16. I am no longer terrified of moose.

17. I am the only person in my family who doesn't like Alaska's weather patterns. My kids love the snow.

18. I would love to lose forty-five pounds, but not bad enough to work for it.

19. I love Wal-mart. The nearest one right now is three hours away.

20. I am raising a little me. She is proud to be "Little Debbi." It scares the heck outta me.

21. I am also raising a little Hubby. He is more of a ham than Hubby, though.

22. I like to cook. I like to experiment with food.

23. I may have broken my tailbone once, but we never went to the hospital to find out.

24. I wear socks around the house most of the time.

25. I love pink.

Love - Part 2

2005-10-27T11:24:00.000-07:00

Saturday, I was discussing my last blog with my husband. Having asked him a few years ago what his definition of love is, I decided to see if his has evolved, too. So, I asked him. I told him he didn't need to answer right away, but that I would get back to him on it.

On Monday I asked him again. His first answer had been two people living together with the same goals. This time his answer was, "I haven't come up with one, but I was thinking about it yesterday while I was doing the dishes." I accepted doing dishes as a good answer to "What is love?" After all, he is a man of action.

So, here is my definition of love:

1) a commitment to the well-being and happiness of another person

2) being the best person I can be with the goal of inspiring and enabling someone else to be the best person they can be

3) allowing myself to be inspired to greatness by another

4) surrendering my habits and desires to the needs and wants of another

5) Doing the dishes :)

Love - Part 1

2005-10-22T14:51:00.000-07:00

Aaah, amore`. I don't think that's right, but you know what I mean. Love.

After my recent deliberations about the difference between who I am and how much I love my husband, which some took to mean I was deliberating on his shortcomings - guess I shouldn't have used him as an example too - oops! haha! - I spent some time thinking about that word - love.

I high school, I was inspired to define love for myself - something I think every teenager should nail down BEFORE she begins dating, looking for a mate, etc. I defined it, wrote it down, and never wavered from that definintion. As a matter of fact, my husband was the first man I said "I love you" to, and soon after I did for the first time, I told him what I meant by that.

This week, I defined love again. No, I did not redefine it. I still stand by my original definition. But I added to it. You know how you see in the dictionary - Love - luv: n. 1) blah, blah, blah 2) blah, blah, blah. That is what my deifintion of love looks like now. And that's a good thing. As we grow and mature, we learn new angles, we change our minds, we add. I like to think I am maturing (although I know several people who would disagree with that concept) and I'll take this new defintion as evidence that I am.

So, what is your definition of love? Do you use it every day, weekly or only on special occasions? Do you know what your husband's definition of love is? Can you share that?

Just As I Am

2005-10-20T11:11:00.000-07:00

While discussing my weight loss concerns with an older lady recently, she made a comment that set me thinking. I had mentioned that my husband doesn't notice me no matter what I look like. He didn't say that I was beautiful when I was thin, he never complained that I gained weight and he didn't notice when I lost twenty pounds. Then, she said it. "Have you ever read The Spirit Controlled Temperament? It may just be his personality."

Frankly, I hate that book. And here's why. I'm almost pure choleric. Know what that means? My house gets a certain amount of cleaning, then it's all details. I can't be bothered. Of course, it also means I throw great parties despite the cobwebs in the corners. My husband, on the other hand is mostly phlagmatic (sp? it's been a while since I read the book) with a little bit of melancholic thrown in - yikes! So, he rarely says when he is pleased about something, but has no problem letting you know when something isn't quite right.

And here's where the book comes in. He should accept the not-sparkling house, because my creative juices were flowing that day and I was planning his birthday party - which is in six months. And I need to assume that I look good, or dinner is fine, since he didn't say it was bad. All because of our temperaments. Somehow, I don't think this is what the author meant to do with that book. Yet so many people talk about it that way.

I don't believe temperament plays as big a role in a marriage - or any relationship - as some of us wish it did. "Oh, that's just the way I am," is so easy to say. But how often do we really mean, "I just don't care about you enough to put forth the effort."? I'll admit I often look at my house and think I should do some cleaning - then I don't because there is something more interesting to do. And my husband admits - when I am in tears because I'm so discouraged - that he sometimes think I look really good in a certain outfit. He just didn't say it. Where is the line between "It's how I am" and "I don't love you enough"? I think it's not where I wish it was.

So, I leave you with a quote from another book - "And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. . . . And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily as to the Lord and not unto men." Colossians 3: 17, 23

Weight Just a Minute

2005-10-18T13:00:00.000-07:00

My husband lost ten pounds. I hate him!!! AAARGH!!

Before you yell at me, let me tell you about my husband's and my battle with weight. When we got married, I was happy with my weight. He was a little on the thin side - would have liked to gain about ten pounds. Not a problem.

Three babies and a lot of cheese danishes later, he had gained about four pounds and I had gained sixty. . . . . . . . . (Taking a minute to count to ten here) I don't get it, we both ate the cheese danishes.

Well - FINALLY - in 2004, we took a vacation. He gained twenty pounds in three weeks. I was thrilled!! I finally had a pudgy husband. With that and reaching a few of my own goals, I weighed less than him - until last week.

He got on the scale and started laughing. I knew I didn't want to hear it, but I asked anyway. "I lost ten pounds," he announced. "What do you mean? How?" I asked (accused). " I don't know - it's just gone." IT'S JUST GONE!!??!!?!?!?!?

How does ten pounds just disappear? He has been eating the same things - cookies, soda pop, sandwiches, huge dinners. And he lost ten pounds. So, he says - "Maybe you should come to work with me." But I did - I worked with him three days last week - and I gained five pounds.

So, there it is. He lost ten pounds. Secretly, I'm happy because I'm proud that I'm married to a great bod - I mean, guy. But I wish it were so easy for me to look that great for him. So, I'm off to my treadmill and weights - again. Wish me luck!!

Basking in a Rare Moment

2005-10-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

I called my husband last night. It was one of those, "Honey, could you get something for me?" calls. What was unusual about this one was that he was at home. I was in bed. I had left my extra blanket in the living room, and thought he could bring it to me. So, I picked up his cell phone and called him in the living room. Unfortuantely, the cell phone gets terrible reception in our room, so he could hardly hear me. I hung up, threw on a robe, and started for the stairs. As I arrived in the living room, there he stood with my blanket. He said, "I heard, 'This is your wife,' and I thought 'I know what she wants.'" So, I am enjoying the memory of a very rare moment when a husband actually gets it right - he knows what she wants and he gets it for her. I have a feeling this memory better last a long time. :)

Safe In The Arms Of Jesus

2005-10-06T13:27:00.000-07:00

Safe In The Arms Of Jesus

by Fanny J. Crosby

Safe in the arms of Jesus, safe on His gentle breast,

There by His love o'ershaded, Sweetly my soul shall rest.

Hark! 'tis the voice of angels, Borne in a song to me,

Over the fields of Glory, Over the jasper sea.

Safe in the arms of Jesus, Safe from corroding care,

Safe from the world's temptations, Sin cannot harm me there.

Free from the blight of sorrow, Free from my doubts and fears;

Only a few more trials, Only a few more tears!

Jesus my heart's dear refuge, Jesus has died for me;

Firm on the Rock of Ages, Ever my trust shall be.

Here let me wait with patience, Wait till the night is o'er,

Wait til I see the morning Break on the golden shore.

Safe in the arms of Jesus, Safe on His gentle breast,

There by His love o'er shaded, Sweetly my soul shall rest.

A Tale From the Dark Side

2005-10-05T11:20:00.000-07:00

The anniversary was terrible. I spent all day believing he would buy me flowers or a candy bar. When he left in the morning, we wished each other a happy anniversary. On his way home from work, he called because he was going to vote. We discussed that for about ten minutes, and when he arrived home he was empty handed. When I gave him his anniversary gift, he admitted that he had thought about getting me something, then forgotten. He felt like an idiot. At this point, I agree with him. So in the middle of the night, as I was trying to figure out how to state my situation - to anyone, even my self - without actually voicing the painful events again, I came up with this parable.

Imagine, if you will, that life is a big cold concrete floor. Love is a rug. Each person has a rug, maybe a persian rug, maybe one of those little area rag rugs; everyone's rug is different. We wander around looking for someone for whom we can put down our rug. Of course, in the process, we are looking for someone who has a rug that we like.

Your body, meanwhile, is other parts of what makes up a good marriage - the legs of trust and respect, the stomach of good cooking - or enjoying the same restaurants, the heart of appreciation, the brain of logic, the arms of acceptance. You get the picture.

So, you find someone. You each put down your rug and stand on the other's. Oh, it's so nice to not be standing alone on that cold floor anymore. Of course, you each take care of the rug the other is standing on - vacuum it, cut any frays off, steam clean it every once in a while. And you do all you can not to make it too hard for the other person to keep what is technically their rug in good shape. Don't stand on it with muddy shoes, don't spill red Kool-aid on it. Together, you go through life loving each other and being gentle with each other's love.

Well, last year, my husband pulled his rug out from under me. I crashed to the floor, shattering all trust and respect. Over the next few weeks, I discovered that he had been poised to do this throughout our whole marriage. It seems he was just waiting for me to look down at his hands, so that I would actually see him holding the corners as he yanked them.

Trust and respect do not heal as quickly as physical legs. I am still laying on the cold floor, waiting for someone to help me. My husband stands over me, holding his rug, and I truly believe he wants me to stand on it - he hasn't put it down for someone else - but he does nothing to help me get up. He just stands there and looks at me as I try to get to my feet with two broken legs. Neither of us knows what to do.

I have been to the Great Physician, and he does help sometimes, but then the Devil comes along and smacks my legs with a big stck. And I'm back down, and the pain is just as raw as the day it happened.

I don't have an ending for this parable, because I am living in the middle of it. Boy, I have dropped the "Perfect-Wife" ball all at once, haven't I? Honestly, I have never discussed our situation with anyone but my husband and God. I do not regret that decision, but I am beginning to think that I need to now. Don't worry, you gals won't have to be my pshychiatrists.

So, how do you end a blog like this? "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1 If I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, I would not need to trust God. I think I need to stand still and look up. Then I'll quit bumping into the tunnel walls, and God can bring the light to me. I hope that is true.

Back Up The Bridal Train

2005-10-04T11:52:00.000-07:00

I am so embarassed. We need a reality check at this blog, and I'll gladly give it to you. Ladies, it's confession time.

Yesterday, I went on some errands. I have been doing these same errands every week for a month, trying to get my husband's business affairs in order. It has been truly frustrating, partly because others are dragging their feet, and partly because I have been fighting like heck to not have to deal with his business (It isn't working). Finally, yesterday, I admitted I need to take over the office even though I don't think I know how. That was very depressing.

I came home to a disaster area - dishes aren't done, kids haven't picked up their toys in three days, school work is behind, vacuuming was done last - uhhhh - no idea. As I brought in some groceries, I almost succumbed to tears. I wanted to fold up on the floor for a few hours - maybe suck my thumb :).

I didn't. Instead, after doing a load of dishes and starting some laundry, I set the kids on their school and checked my e-mail. I opened one to find that a certain person loves my blog. I "sound like a super-mom, super-wife." She can tell that "you are at peace and you love every member of your family."

So, here's the truth. I am not nearly as peaceful as I'd like to be. There are days I'd sell all my kids - and days I'd pay someone to take them. As for my husband, many days I could take him or leave him.

Many of these feelings are my faults, not theirs. Most of the time, when my kids drive me nuts, it's because they've picked up my bad habits that drive me nuts. My husband has not changed since I was dating him, so I cannot legitimately complain about him. I knew what he is, and I chose him anyway. And that is why I started this blog - it is an attempt to dwell on the positive and to encourage myself out of the negative. Have I created an unreal world? I'm not living Cinderella's "Happily-ever-after." Is it bad to not blog about the down side? Hmmm.

Our Anniversary

2005-10-03T11:28:00.000-07:00

I arrived at our desk this morning and noticed that our anniversary is circled on the calendar. This was a bit of a surprise because my husband doesn't remember it unless I mention it. Then I remembered that his dad called yesterday to wish us a happy anniversary. So, Tuesday is circled, with little spiky things around it - like a sunshine.

I have to admit I have kind of set my husband up this year. Every year, by this time, I have been asking him for at least two weeks what we are going to do. This has been for two reasons. If he forgot, I'd be devastated, and I usually have to take care of the details - babysitter, etc. - and I don't want to have to do it at the last minute.

But this year has been rough. At my lowest point, I came to the conclusion that there is nothing to celebrate on our anniversary (yes, I'm a bit of a drama queen). I'm tired and I want him to love me enough to take care of our anniversary for a change. I want to be taken care of. It is so hard to trust him with this. I have a feeling the kids will be going out to our anniversary dinner with us. I will refuse to go to McDonald's, though.

As I think back, my favorite anniversay was when we went out for dinner, then went to a few antique shops. He bought me two teacups for my collection. It was a great night.

What was your best anniversary? What would be your dream anniversary celebration?

My dream anniversary would be a huge party at one of the local fancy restaurants with all my friends there - honoring us. I think that's a little bit more of the drama queen thing coming out.

Family Traditions

2005-09-30T14:51:00.000-07:00

Baking cookies has a special place in our house. Actually, when my husband and daughter join forces to make their chocolate chip cookies, they are the best in our house. They don't bake together very often, but I refuse to use their recipe, so when they want those ones, they have to do it. Do you notice the sly "Get hubby to spend quality time with his daughter" technique here?

I bake chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter cookies, oatmeal cookies, sometimes I vary the tradition with shoofly pie, pumkin roll, or cake. Every Christmas, the kids and I make Cream Wafers. I love to let the kids help me bake. My oldest son learned to count when he was two by baking cookies. As we placed the cookies on the tray, we'd count, "1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5."

Other traditions in our family are: a yearly trip to Anchorage to shop, family nights, church attendance, the big Christmas Eve party, and don't even get me started on Christmas Day - now my favorite day of the year. We always make a big deal of birthdays - birthday kid chooses the dinner menu and the cake, sometimes we have friends over.

Traditions are what memories are made of. In my parents' family, most of our memories come from summers spent in the hay fields, and VBS, a long-standing tradition since my mother has been the director for 27 years.

What traditions do you remember from your childhood? What traditions are you establishing in your family?

My Mama Done Tole Me . . . Part 2

2005-09-27T19:33:00.000-07:00

The number one thing I learned from my parents' marriage is this: In their lifetime, my children will experience firsthand two marriages - their own and mine. Mine, in so many ways, will set a foundation for what theirs will be (Ever hear the sayings - "She married her father," or "He married his mother" - it happens.) That said, some time ago, I wrote this to my children. Though they haven't seen it, I strive to make it true.

TO MY CHILDREN:

Ten things I will do today to help your future marriages be great:

10) I will laugh at your father's jokes when no one elase does - actually I think he's pretty funny.

9) I will tell him I love him while you are listening - at least once a day.

8) I will make sure you obey the rules that we have established for you.

7) I will do my best not to let you hear your father and I argue.

6) When you do hear us argue, and you will because we are not perfect, I will make sure you also hear the apology.

5) I will keep our house clean.

4) I will thank your dad for taking such good care of us.

3) I will bake cookies at least once a week just because you and your dad like them.

2) I will exercise, because physical health gives me the energy to keep up with you.

1) I will spend time with God, because spiritual health gives me the strength to teach you to love Him and others, too.

My Mama Done Tole Me . . .

2005-09-22T14:52:00.000-07:00

As almost any woman with a daughter will tell you, she is raising a little her. My husband often calls my daughter "Little Debbi." This can be very discouraging at times because I still have so many character traits that I need serious work on and she picks up so many of them.

Recently I've noticed something else my daughter has picked up. She treats my husband like a king. I know she got this from me, because in college, the wife of a professor told us that she had asked her husband, "How do I get you to treat me like a queen?" His response was, "Treat me like a king." As I watched their marriage, I often saw them both doing just that. So, I have tried to implement that into my marriage. And my daughter, picking up on it, has started to make sure Daddy has a drink when he's watching TV, or she asks to take his snack to him when he's working on the computer.

This - and a few other things - has gotten me to thinking about what I learned about marriage from my mother. I'm still thinking on that. Be prepared to ask that question later - What did you learn from your mother?

What I want to teach my daughter about marriage - now that's much easier. I want her to feel that being a wife and a mother is a fulfilling life. I want her to know that, while marriage is work, there is great satisfaction to be found in having a best friend, lover and co-worker all wrapped up in one person. This, of course, will be done on a daily basis with my life, not a week before she gets married with my words.

So, what do your children see on a daily basis that will encourage them to think of marriage as a positive - someday - addition to their lives?

My children see Mom greet Dad cheerfully at the door when he arrives home from work each night - often with a glass of tea in her hand.

Romantic Dinner - for five?

2005-09-17T12:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I kinda did it. I didn't call my friend to take the kids. But I did call Hunny to see if he was going to be home late. When he didn't call back, I assumed that he would. So, here was the plan. Clean the house, grocery shop, feed kids, start dinner, shower and dress up - I'm ready by 7:30.

All was going well at 5:15 when Hunny called to say he was on his way home. He'd grab a bite to eat, then he was headed to another job. Okay, he'd be home in ten minutes. That'll give me time to get myself under control. I showered quick and put the appetizer in the oven. Dinner wouldn't be ready for him.

When he got home, I had warned the kids not to mention the "Romantic Dinner." I decided to just move on - feed him, not mention the dinner and try again some other time. It didn't work. As we sat on the bench in the entryway talking, he asked what was wrong. He said, "You look like you need to tell me something and you don't know how." I started crying. I didn't mean to, it just happened. I explained to him that I had planned a big dinner for just the two of us, and I felt stupid for thinking that it would work the way I'd hoped.

He's such a dear. He rearranged his schedule, stayed home to spend the evening with me. He showered while I fed the kids, then sent them downstairs to watch movies. We ate our dinner, then watched a movie of our own. It was a peaceful evening - except for the interruptions from hungry and arguing kids. All in all, it was a satifactory occasion.

As for yesterday's depression, I have decided to chalk it up to overanalyzing. So, my advice for today is this quote: "Don't overanalyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every twenty minutes to see how its roots are growing." - The Bill Balance Hip Handbook

Depression in Color

2005-09-16T14:45:00.000-07:00

Depression - that's a stupid post to put in a blog titled "The Happy Wife." HAHA!! Oh well, it's my state of mind today. I have read - yet another - marriage improvement book. I don't know why I keep doing it. They all tell me the same thing. I think I'm doing them, yet .... something's missing. Maye it's just that it's September. I usually deal with depression late in October. Maybe it's early this year. It was three months late one year.

A lot of people say that when they are depressed, colors seem to fade, tastes aren't as interesting. I don't find that to be true. When I'm depressed, everything tastes better. Hence, the empty kitchen when I get over it. I was thinking about the color fading thing when I wrote the title. Bearsie's dreaming in color made me think that maybe colors do fade when I am depressed - I just don't notice it. Ah well.

The thought has crossed my mind to get rid of the kids for the night and see if that helps my mood. hmmmm! Maybe I could call my friend, do a little shopping, light some candles. . . I'll keep you posted.

Blogging Question

2005-09-14T16:55:00.000-07:00

Okay - I'm slow. First, clarification. Jennifer - you mentioned in your last comment that you weren't privy to what Bearsie and I were talking about. That blog - Bachelor At Heart - was inspired by Bearsie's comment to my previous blog -
about how our hubbies love us. She mentioned that her husband still has some bachelor ways.

Which brings me to my question: When someone leaves a comment that I want to comment on, do I a) answer it in the comments?
b) answer it in a new post (which I chose and confused others)?
c) go to the other person's blog and write something in their comments?
d) keep my mouth shut - I already had my say on that subject?

I must say that I love blogging - I think it's the most Bearsie has heard from me in years. However, I miss chatrooms. I like the instant feedback, the diversity of opinions, etc. It was fun. I probably just need to get used to blogging format, huh?

Bachelor at Heart

2005-09-12T14:34:00.000-07:00

I had to address this one, Bearsie. Not trying to depress you, here, but my hubby still has some bachelor habits, too. What is it with guys?

A few weeks ago, my husband came home with two boxes of a kind of cereal that everyone in the house loves. It's pretty much what I call "Frosted Sugar Bombs" and I won't buy it. He announced, "This is MY cereal. No one else touches it." WHAT!!??!! Yes, I could understand this if everyone in our household had a job, but so far the five-year-old hasn't been able to find anything. So, there they were - two boxes of cereal, and my husband only eats breakfast on weekends. This cereal was going to stare my kids in the face for a long time.

After a few days of them politely asking every day, I finally started letting them eat "Dad's" cereal. And, when they were gone one night, I mentioned to him how aweful it was that he did that. He said, "You have stuff in this house that is only yours." When I challenged him to point out one thing, he couldn't. HAHA - poor guy.

So, how can I write this without turning my blog into a guy bashing blog? How about this? He is also willing to let me have my single gal things, although they aren't habits. The other night, he found me curled on the couch reading a romance novel. I haven't done that in over a year. He encouraged me to stay where I was and not do anything for a while. Just relax as if I didn't have kids. So, I don't think guys realize that being married and having a family isn't a full time job that your done with after a few hours every day. Which means it's a good thing us gals do see it as a 24-7 thing. Otherwise, the kids could be on their own for way too many hours a day. And in all honesty, when they are really needed most guys are willing to pitch in and help. Ah, we complement each other. That's the way God intended it, right?

My Creative Husband

2005-09-08T11:24:00.000-07:00

I know that my husband loves me. Sometimes when he doesn't love me the way I want to be loved, I forget that. So, I try to remember to look for HIS way of loving me.

Hubby is a very creative guy. For instance, he is currently building a 14' by 24' deck which he designed himself. How difficult can it be to design a deck? you ask.
Well, this deck is attached to a house that has tile in the entry way - laid out in a diamond pattern instead of square with the house. There are also a couple other diamond motifs in the house - I can't remember what they are. While he was in the home, talking to the customer about the deck, my husband noticed the diamonds. Hence, he is now building a deck with a huge diamond shape in the middle of it. Customer is loving it.

So, what does that have to do with him loving me? The fact that his creative abilities lend to remodeling a house before we build it. :) The other night, I was looking at a house we are hoping to build next year. He knew that I was trying to rework the kitchen/breakfast area. Suddenly, a piece of paper fell into my lap. On it was an enlarged version of the floor plan I was working with - with the kitchen and breakfast area completely erased - it was a blank area that I could draw in and erase as much as I wanted. Three days later, I'm still playing with my piece of paper :). I've also found the pages that he had to reconfigure and cut out and copy several times to create that single sheet for me. And I know he loves me. Off the top of my head, I can't think of anything that would have been a better small gesture.

So, my question: What are subtle ways - maybe that you have to think about - that your husband loves you?

Russian River Falls

2005-08-29T13:29:00.000-07:00

Last night was family night. We got out of church at 6:00 p.m. and headed for the Russian River Falls trail. It's a nice, couple-mile hike back into the wilderness to the river, where, on an average August day, you'll see the salmon jumping up the falls and on a good day, you'll get to watch the bears catching them. We had a good day. When we arrived at the falls, a brown bear was having dinner. We got to watch him/ her catch two salmon, then he/ she dashed into the woods with the last catch.

On the hike back to the truck, I was alone - Hunny and the kids had their bikes and left me in the dust. As I rounded a corner, the sound of the river completely disappeared behind a hill. I stopped and listened to the stillness. I couldn't even hear the kids in the distance - just - nothing. It was so beautiful.

Suddenly, I was transported back to Coudersport, PA, where my now husband and I went for our first walk. It was at a friend's birthday party, and we escaped the volleyball game to head up the hill. Springtime in the mountains. It was so peaceful. It was also the first time we held hands. We walked slowly, talking about I have no idea what. Just getting to know each other, learning things - remember those days?

When I recalled this experience to my husband a few minutes later, I mentioned that it had been just the two of us. He looked at the kids, and said, "We've come a long way, baby." He also reminded me that it wasn't our first time holding hands, but I refuse to count the ice rink where he and my brother tried to kill me by making me skate as fast as they can.

So, what is one of your favorite firsts in your relationship with your husband? First dinner you cooked him? First kiss? First anything?

Secrets in a marriage

2005-08-25T20:58:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking I needed to post something new, but have been drawing a blank the last few days. Thank - you, Jon, over at The How-Not-To Guide, I have a new subject.

First of all, let me say that while I found that post kind of funny - most of his others were funnier - it grossed me out. Which brings me to secrets in a marriage. I am all for them. Any one else with me?

I am not talking about buying a dress for $80 and telling your husband it was $40. That isn't a secret, that's a lie. I am talking about the fact that some things just don't need to be shared - even, or especially, with your spouse. For instance, my husband does not know every detail about what happens to my body certain times of the month. He learned some of it in health class, but he learns nothing from me. To my discredit, he can usually figure out when I'm PMS-y. He also doesn't know what days I have insecurities about our marriage.

He has secrets, too. He has responsibilities at church that sometimes involve knowing things about people, and he doesn't tell me. That's fine with me. I also don't know much of what he does in the shower. And peeing - I hadn't even considered it until today. Had no clue. Was heavenly oblivious. Now I want to go clean it every time he gets out, just in case.

And guess what? I'm not going to ask him. When I mentioned Jon's blog to him, I did it with my back to him and I told him not to make any noise indicating whether he does or doesn't. That is one secret he can keep.

So how about you? Do you think a marriage should have secrets? What would be an acceptable secret? What should definitely NOT be a secret?

I've been thinking about tagging Jon on the subject of secrets. If you agree with me, go over and tell him he's been tagged. I'd love to get his perspective - and yours, so don't forget to leave a comment.

Sick Days

2005-08-19T11:53:00.000-07:00

My Hunny is wonderful. He tries so hard sometimes.

He was home working in the office for two days this week. As luck would have it, I got sick the first day. Nothing serious - just a cold. But it came at a very inopportune time of the month - like a double whammy. So, he thought I needed to stay in bed. The trouble with this is the office is in one end of our bedroom, and he was listening to Rush Limbaugh. Now, I have nothing against Rush - I'm a bit if a fan - but he is not what I need when I'm sick. So, I told Hunny, "Thanks, Babe, but I'll lay around in the recliner and if I need anything the kids can get it for me. That'll keep them out of your hair."

He spent the day in the office, but checked on me very frequently and helped out where he could. He loves me.

Here's an odd question: Have you ever told your husband he loves you? If so, what was his response?

I have told my husband, "You love me." The first time, he looked a little confused, but he agreed with me. Now, he realizes that when I say that, it is because I feel very loved, and I'm showing my gratitude for that feeling.

My Man's Sense of Style

2005-08-13T12:22:00.000-07:00

My husband has several things in his closet that I really like to see him wear. Cowboy boots, certain ties, shirts, and jeans. Some of his stuff is much sexier on him than on the hanger :).

I think the boots were one of my favorite items he wore. I don't know why - just something sexy about a suit and boots. I actually wanted him to wear them for our wedding, but he wore dress shoes. I do love that he checks with me every week about what tie to wear. I like knowing that my opinion matters. And I like picking out the ones he doesn't necessarily care for, but he really looks nice in.

But my absolute fave thing he wears is his wedding ring. This is a big deal for me because when we first got married, he wasn't allowed to. His boss told him it was too dangerous, and he needed to leave it at home. It's true. He's a carpenter and there is a chance that his ring could someday get caught in a saw. But when he started his own business, one of the first things he did was start wearing his ring to work. He said, "I'm the boss now, and I say I can wear it." Sheesh! Did I say the other day that he's not very romantic?

But what my husband may not know, and I will probably tell him, is that his wearing that ring is one of the things that reminds me to pray for him throughout the day. Because of the danger involved, when I see my wedding ring, I often pray for his safety - not only for his finger, but when walking on the trusses, when running the saws or if I know he's especially tired.

So, is there anything in your day that reminds you of your husband? Or do you just think about him all the time? Has he ever told you that there is something in his day that reminds him of you? If these questions are too personal, you don't have to answer. :) How about this one: what is your favorite item of his clothing?

Laughter - the best medicine

2005-08-12T11:04:00.000-07:00

We've all heard that laughter is good for your health. It relieves stress and blah blah blah. I don't remember it all. My husband and I had a few good laughs this week.

The first was when my youngest son - age 5 - decided we needed some enterainment. As we sat on the couch, he started dancing and doing his whaling captain routine. A ham to be sure. I know you had to be there, but we were in stitches. He went on for probably a half hour. I can just imagine what a disaster we are creating with this kid. He is so funny. I just keep thinking I hope it's still funny in a few years.

The second time was when my husband and I fell in the shower. Yes, both of us. Of course, it was his fault. Yes, he will kill me for telling you. He turned on the cold water as he was getting out, and when I backed away from it, I slipped and knocked him over, in turn knocking me over. It hurt, but it was funny. I'm still laughing as I type this. The part we can praise the Lord for is that he didn't re-injure his knee.

So, maybe this one was a little personal, but I had to share it with someone and he won't let me tell any of my friends here.

I think laughter is important in our marriage. If we go too long stuck in drudge of life, I really start to miss those times of hilarity. Question: What is a "little" thing that is important in your marriage? Have you done it recently, or do you need to bring it back?

Alligators and Puppy Dogs

2005-08-09T11:59:00.000-07:00

My husband is not naturally romantic. Usually, if he says or does something romantic, it's because the guys around him have been so romantic lately that he feels guilty, so he does something. Works for me.

In July, we were able to steal a rare half hour for a romantic walk along the bluff in our town. It was romantic because it was slow. It was slow because he was on crutches. I told him later that I really enjoyed our walk and that I wished he were on crutches more. We had a bit of a conversation about it, and I sighed, "Ah, I married an alligator."

I then explained to him that when a woman calls Dr. Laura Schlessinger (please, no hate mail. I'm sure you have your reasons) to complain about something her hubby does or doesn't do, Dr. Laura often tells her, "When you marry an alligator, you can't cuddle him like a puppy dog."

My husband said, "You know, deep down there is a puppy dog." "Really?" I asked, hope welling up in my soul.

"Sure, I ate him for lunch."

Smart aleck. I have to say his sense of humor is a puppy dog trait - most of the time.

Two questions today: If alligator is the part of your husband you would like to change and puppy dog is the part you are completely happy with, what percentage of your husband is each?

Now, here's the one where you have to be honest: If alligator is the part of you that your husband would probably want to change and puppy dog is the part he's completely happy with, what percentage of you is each?

I would have to say that my husband is probably 80% puppy dog, and the 20% alligator is not teeth. It's more like that rough tail. It belts me in the leg every once in a while, but most of the time I can live with it.

I'm probably about 60% puppy dog and 40% alligator. I know there are things about me he would change, but he doesn't complain about them.

Tag - I'm It!

2005-08-09T11:38:00.000-07:00

Sheesh! This is hard. I have no idea. Why is it you love all these things, then when someone asks you to make a list of them, you can't remember a single one. Here goes:

Five Light Reads:
1) Humor for a Woman's Heart 2
2) This Old House Magazine
3) House plan books - we have at least a dozen
4) Roses for Mama by Jeanette Oke
5) I have to agree with Bear - ziggythoughts

Five Reads to Make Me Think:
1) my Bible
2) Ultimate Weight Solution
3) The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
4) Blessing Your Husband
5) The Oath

Five Favorite Songs:
1) Day by Day
2) To God be the Glory
3) The Cheeseburger song
4) She Took it Like a Man
5) Ten Little Monkeys

Five Best Movies:
1) Sense and Sensibility
2) I, Robot
3) Return To Me
4) Finding Nemo
5) Monsters, Inc.

Five Best Comedies:
1) Arsenic and Old Lace
2) Hitch
3) The Pacifier
4) - I will have to fill these two in later :)
5)

And I'll add a couple of Bearsie's ideas:

Five Best Events in My Life:
1) My Wedding
2) The Births of my Children - actually that's three events
3) Our Move to Alaska
4) Catching my first Salmon
5) The first time my homeschooled son read something in a store

Five Best Ice Cream Flavors:
1) Haagen Dazs Coffee
2) Chocolate Peanut Butter
3) Moose Tracks
4) Ben and Jerry's Phish Food
5) Chocolate

So there you have it. Is that supposed to be me in a nut shell? Someone could read this list and tell you all about who I am and what makes me tick, huh? hmmm. Maybe I'll go read Bearsie's again.

My Hero

2005-08-08T12:42:00.000-07:00

Last week, I had to call my husband to come rescue me at the beach - I had lost my key to my van. He was very gracious, picked up the kids where they were and came to give me his key. No complaints about I had pulled him away from work, no condemnation for losing a key. Nothing. Just rescued me, gave me a kiss and went home. He is so great.

What is something your husband has done for you lately to prove he is a hero?

One Thing I Love About Hubby

2005-08-04T16:32:00.000-07:00

My husband does a lot of his contract work with another contractor in the area. Granted, these guys are friends outside of work and Hubby is a deacon where this guy is assistant pastor, but there are still few men who would have done what Woody did.
Hubby came home with Woody's business credit card earlier this week. Hubby had to stop at a local hardware store for some supplies for their job. We joked about using Woody's credit card for a vacation. Hubby told me, "When I get to work tomorrow, I'll tell Woody we thought about using his card for other stuff, and he'll say, 'Sure, you could have.'" The truth, next day at work, Woody did say that. But the reason Woody said that is that he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Hubby would not do that.
So, what I love about my husband is that he is known as a trustworthy individual. Men trust him with their money, keys to their houses, whatever. And they refer him to others to do the same. It's great to know that he has a good reputation.

So, my question is: What is one trait you love about your husband?

Blessing Others

2005-08-04T12:18:00.000-07:00

I recently went clam digging with friends. I don't like clams. But I went because our friends are an older couple in our church, they like clams, and they have trouble digging them. So, I helped them out. I was pleased with myself to be able to be a blessing to them.
What does this have to do with my marriage? The very next night, my husband came home with six salmon he had caught. We don't really care for salmon, but there they were. I quickly cleared his butchering area, complained that he hadn't filleted them at the river like he said he would, and went to take a shower. Less than twenty-four hours after being a blessing to someone else, I refused to bless him by, at the very least, having a good attitude about the fact that he'd had a good time fishing.

My question today: What is something you do for your husband that is a blessing to him?

By the way, I did apologize to my Hubby later, and help him package the salmon.