The Angry Wife
I have a huge gripe session going on in my head right now. I have a bruise on my hand from punching the wall yesterday, and I had to buy a new deodorant this morning cuz I threw the other one and broke it. I can hear Bearsie thinking, "Ah, yes, that's the Debbi I know."
My husband admits he doesn't try very hard at our marriage, he doesn't think I can do anything else, but he totally blows his stack if I so much as suggest that our lives aren't perfect and then it comes up that it might be his fault. Look out, Alaska!!
The part I really hate is that we argued much of yesterday, put on our smiles for church, then came home and argued more. It makes me want to retch when we do that.
So, today, I'm doing a lot of deep breathing, some praying, and more eating than I should.
How do you deal with marriage stress? Any relaxation techniques you could share?
My husband admits he doesn't try very hard at our marriage, he doesn't think I can do anything else, but he totally blows his stack if I so much as suggest that our lives aren't perfect and then it comes up that it might be his fault. Look out, Alaska!!
The part I really hate is that we argued much of yesterday, put on our smiles for church, then came home and argued more. It makes me want to retch when we do that.
So, today, I'm doing a lot of deep breathing, some praying, and more eating than I should.
How do you deal with marriage stress? Any relaxation techniques you could share?
posted by Harleys @ 11:43 AM
8 Comments:
At 7:52 PM,
Jennifer said…
I can't say that I've got any advice for you there, sweetie! I totally understand the 'losing your cool' scenario because I've been doing that allot lately - but it's with my kids, not my husband. Although, his NOT helping me while trying to capture the perfect picture of my 3 munchkins in costume did cause quite the yelling match this evening - all in front of the kids, mind you! I'm never happy when that happens, but since there is always a child under-foot, they are always witness to our little 'discussions'. My way of coping with the adult arguments is to simply clam up and walk away (like I'm currently doing now - he's sitting at his computer, I'm at mine across the room and we're not really speaking - because all that will do is cause more arguing - we need cool down time). I usually head to the bathroom for a bubble bath and about an hour with my nose in PEOPLE :)
At 7:17 PM,
Rabbity-Sniff said…
Have you tried arguing naked? It's my husband's dumb idea that he got from watching Moonlighting. It works for us.
I start to get mad and he steps back so he doesn't get hit by any part of me that has temper running through it and says, "Ah-ah-ah, take your clothes off if you're gonna be mad." It makes you seriously contemplate whether it's worth being mad about (i.e. worth the effort of taking all your clothes off and becoming vulnerable - usually to loving caresses that just melt that anger).
At 9:52 AM,
Jennifer said…
Bearsie - we had a visiting pastor to our church several years ago that suggested taking a shower when tempers start to flair. He said that if you wait to start arguing until your both in the shower together, then chances are the argument will pass quickly :) I have to say that we haven't tried that because if I'm going to go to all of the trouble to strip & get into the shower, I'm going to shower and don't want any part of him touching any part of me. After all, I'm too mad!!!
Your hubby sounds like an interesting man, that's for sure :) I'm going to make sure that our hubby's don't ever speak to each other - don't want my hubby to get any pointers from your's. I'd never have a chance to 'vent' if taking your clothes off was part of the deal!!!
At 10:12 AM,
Katrina said…
Oh, man...I hate feeling angry. I always feel it right in my stomach, like a little hot ball of anxiety. I have to get it out of there or it wrecks me.
I'm don't lose it very often, but I do remember once, years ago, being so mad at my husband that I threw my keys. I think I wanted to throw them at his head, but at the last minute, a vestige of self-control moved my arm and I threw them at the wall instead. And it's a good thing--they made a pretty nasty dent that we never explained to the landlord...lol.
I think the thing that probably works best for me is writing it all out. I usually write it in a journal first, where I can just vent all the anger and complaint in full, without caring how it sounds or what I say (since I'm the only one who reads it.) Then, I am usually in control enough to write it more calmly in a letter to my husband, explaining how I feel and what I want to change. This really helps, because sometimes when I'm steamed, I might say things that I don't mean but can't take back. When I write, I can look it over and make sure it says what I am really feeling.
Hang in there!
At 11:44 AM,
Harleys said…
Arguing naked - great idea. At least then he'd look at me when I'm talking. The shower - bad idea. We fell in the shower recently and we're a little nervous about doing anything in there anymore. I did take a shower by myself at 1:30 Tuesday morning, then drank a hot chocolate and read a novel. That helped me fall asleep - finally. Course then I had that stupid dream. (See next post) Thanks, gals, for the input.
At 5:13 AM,
Anonymous said…
Yeah, uh, your husband probably blows his stack when you complain about your life not being perfect because you do it A LOT. How about stopping that? I mean, straight up dropping the complaining. Seriously. Your life is probably fine, so why block the intimacy with your husband complaining all the time to the point where you're punching holes in walls because he's tired of hearing it.
At 12:25 PM,
Anonymous said…
Who is that jerk who left the last post? My guess is HE does not have a kind word to say ever...much less have love in his heart. Get a psychiatrist.
At 12:52 PM,
Anonymous said…
I'm not the last "jerk" poster, but he's just saying what most husbands are thinking. We waste our times arguing about stupid things that we don't care about and that don't matter in the scheme of things. And then we get punished for it, and the relationship spirals. I don't think wives today look at the big picture enough and appreciate where they are in life as much as they should.
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