Make your own Darn Sandwich
Hubby and I had a wakeup call this weekend.
My husband is a hard worker. All day every day, week after week, year after year, he busts his butt to provide for his family. In blinding snow, cutting wind, chilling rain, blazing sun, the man builds houses for other people so that he can provide a home for us.
So, this weekend, he was off for two days. Now let me say, when my hunny gets a chance to relax, he does it right. No such thing as a half way job - even when it comes to being lazy for a change. On Saturday, he was in full lazy guy mode, watching "Dukes of Hazard" on DVD and goofing off with his kids. At about two pm, he got off the couch long enough to come into my kitchen.
In the kitchen, I was cleaning up from feeding the kids lunch a couple hours earlier and making two kinds of cookies - one for my family and one for church.
Hubby walked into the kitchen and said, "Do you have anything for lunch?" I replied, "There's ham and cheese in the fridge, here's the bread." He laid it on the counter and said, "Nah, I'm not really that hungry." I was furious. "You're willing to pull me away from what I'm doing, but if it means lifting a finger yourself, you're not hungry?!!"
He ended up making a sandwich and eating it, but I think it was out of guilt not hunger.
So, his wakeup call was that he had two hands, and he was completely capable of doing it himself. He realized he was inconsiderate of what was going on with me. He admitted later, "I was a jerk."
My wakeup call was this ( hold on, all you women's libbers): I am my husband's servant, just as he is mine. I have been trying to keep my focus on the fact that my purpose in life, in part, is to please my husband. So, I was in the middle of making these great brownies he likes when he asks me to make a ham sandwich. Aren't the brownies enough? The answer, of course, was "no." By ignoring the loving he needed right now, I cancelled out the love he was going to feel later when he ate the brownies. So, we apologized to each other.
Then, Sunday, the guys were telling their new favorite joke: "How many men does it take to pour a glass of milk? None, the glass should be full when she hands it to me." (Our guys aren't really like that)
So, the joke in our house is: How many guys does it take to make a ham sandwich?
My husband is a hard worker. All day every day, week after week, year after year, he busts his butt to provide for his family. In blinding snow, cutting wind, chilling rain, blazing sun, the man builds houses for other people so that he can provide a home for us.
So, this weekend, he was off for two days. Now let me say, when my hunny gets a chance to relax, he does it right. No such thing as a half way job - even when it comes to being lazy for a change. On Saturday, he was in full lazy guy mode, watching "Dukes of Hazard" on DVD and goofing off with his kids. At about two pm, he got off the couch long enough to come into my kitchen.
In the kitchen, I was cleaning up from feeding the kids lunch a couple hours earlier and making two kinds of cookies - one for my family and one for church.
Hubby walked into the kitchen and said, "Do you have anything for lunch?" I replied, "There's ham and cheese in the fridge, here's the bread." He laid it on the counter and said, "Nah, I'm not really that hungry." I was furious. "You're willing to pull me away from what I'm doing, but if it means lifting a finger yourself, you're not hungry?!!"
He ended up making a sandwich and eating it, but I think it was out of guilt not hunger.
So, his wakeup call was that he had two hands, and he was completely capable of doing it himself. He realized he was inconsiderate of what was going on with me. He admitted later, "I was a jerk."
My wakeup call was this ( hold on, all you women's libbers): I am my husband's servant, just as he is mine. I have been trying to keep my focus on the fact that my purpose in life, in part, is to please my husband. So, I was in the middle of making these great brownies he likes when he asks me to make a ham sandwich. Aren't the brownies enough? The answer, of course, was "no." By ignoring the loving he needed right now, I cancelled out the love he was going to feel later when he ate the brownies. So, we apologized to each other.
Then, Sunday, the guys were telling their new favorite joke: "How many men does it take to pour a glass of milk? None, the glass should be full when she hands it to me." (Our guys aren't really like that)
So, the joke in our house is: How many guys does it take to make a ham sandwich?
posted by Harleys @ 2:07 PM
8 Comments:
At 4:48 PM,
Jenny said…
Well unfortunately, my husband is about the same. Sometimes when I have errands to do around town and he is home I will come home to find a "starving" husband. That just drives me over the edge!!! I also make his lunch every day he goes to work. I don't mind this, because I can send him healthy food to take to work.
Yeah in our house it is totally me that cooks, him that works...sometimes someone cleans(just joking!).
At 11:25 AM,
Harleys said…
Jenny - if we could get the kids to do the cleaning, the arrangement would be near perfect, huh? :)
At 2:14 PM,
Jennifer said…
Hmmm...I've been thinking about this post for a few days, and I have to say that I'm not quite with you on this one. It just doesn't work that way in our house. Though hubby is the bread winner and I the cook and general maid during the week, he still does most things for himself on his days off or weekends, and gladly helps out around the house with the kiddos and cleaning when he can. He sees that though I take care of things when I need to, he is perfectly capable of helping out or doing something for himself when I'm otherwise occupied - like you were while making brownies. His being the bread winner doesn't give him the right to be lazy when at home. We both work, he just happens to leave the house and get paid for it. And, we both take time to be lazy every now & then, and we take turns waiting on the other person, out of love not obligation. But, if this had been us, he would have taken it upon himself to make his own sandwich, rather than expecting me to stop what I was doing (which was something for the family) to make him something to eat.
At 5:29 PM,
Jenny said…
My husband is not lazy at home. In fact, he does the laundry, sorts and puts away. He sweeps, makes the bed and cleans the kitchen, but he doesn't cook!! I'm not complaining, because I know for a fact he DOES way more than many of the husbands around!!!
At 12:16 PM,
Harleys said…
My point wasn't that my husband was lazy - though he was that day. The point was that we both could have been nicer, and we missed the opportunity. But I usually don't have a problem with him being lazy occasionally - he does earn that right.
At 6:35 PM,
Jennifer said…
Got it :)
At 9:53 AM,
Rabbity-Sniff said…
Hey, husbands are lazy. Wives aren't because they can't be. I think it's great the way Jennifer's husband behaves. It seems like she must've effectively communicated something to him or he just opened his eyes while he was at home and saw that they could work together and he could make her life a little easier by taking care of himself. I would like to wake my own husband up to that fact. Changing plans, throwing clothes anyplace, leaving everything out when he's done with something . . . if he took care of this stuff himself I'd have more time for more important and relational things in life. It doesn't take me long to clean up after him but it wouldn't take him long either, right? I hope we reach Jennifer's point soon.
And you're right Debbi. I totally got your point on being kind and showing a better attitude even though you may feel you have a right to be otherwise. Some kind communication so that things are better in the future and apologies are excellent. You both grew that day in love and respect. That's wonderful! I hope I can consistently do that with my family. Thank you for sharing Debbi. I love your blog.
(Just because my comments are few and far between doesn't mean my reading is : )
At 12:11 AM,
Katrina said…
Great epiphany, Debbi! I love this lesson on mutual servanthood. It sounds like you both came away realizing and appreciating each other's efforts.
My husband likes to relax on his days off, too--playing the computer is his prozac of choice. But he does help more around the house, and especially with the kids, than he used to. I think he's finally realized that the less work I have to do by myself, the more energetic I will be *later*!
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