Love in Hubby's Language

I recently finished reading "The Five Love Languages." I borrowed it from a friend. Before, I had a concept of what the book was about, having read a lot ABOUT it, but I was thrilled to read it myself.

First, Hubby is angry at me because I read the book in two days. Ha,Ha, apparently he loses weight well and I read well. Poor guy. He tries so hard sometimes to get into certain books. He HATES reading. And I don't use that word lightly.

Anyway, my primary language is physical touch. I love being touched, and touching. The other night, when my husband hadn't remembered something I had told him, I told him as long as he touches me while he doesn't listen to me, I'm okay.

But my husband's primary love language is acts of service. I have been keeping the house cleaner more consistently because I realize he hears "I love you" in a clean house.

The problem is this. One act of service I could do for him would be to lose weight. Another act of service that he really enjoys is baked goods. These two should not belong in the same love language. I don't bake anything without trying it. Aargh! I'm so frustrated.

I have decided to lose some weight for him for Christmas. I don't expect to lose the whole 45 pounds I need to, but I don't think 15 - 20 is unreasonable. We'll see. Anyone know a great holiday diet? HAHA

Patience is Who's Virtue?

This is another lesson I learned a little bit of while my Hubby and I weren't speaking. we are talking now, by the way. Things are going great. Last night, we talked about how to discuss needs and problems we have without losing our cools.

Anyway, the lesson was patience. After we had our big argument, and I finally surrendered to allow God to do the work in my life, I felt a very calm assurance that I needed to allow my husband to apologize first. No, this was not an "I'm not gonna do it, he's gonna have to do it" moment. It was more about if I truly want him to lead our home, then this is where God wants me to start.

So, we spent a whole week not talking. I got up in the morning, made his lunch, went through my day as usual, made his dinner, did his laundry and prayed for us. But we only said to each other things that absolutely needed said.

I think the climax to this whole thing was Friday night when we took the kids to a Harvest Festival. We spent three hours in public with our children and hardly said anything to each other. I just kept praying for patience, and for God to have me completely ready to be a great wife when the time came.

Finally, on Sunday, I manipulated things a little. I took us breakfast in bed. But I didn't say anything. We had completely finished when he finally said, "I'm sorry about last week." I answered, "Me, too." ( hey, guys get away with that, why can't I?:) ) He said, "This week sucked." And I couldn't agree more. We talked for a while, then started our day.

This week has been better. I find myself falling into the old trap of "my marriage is okay, so everything is okay" and I need to steer away from that. I am learning to keep my mouth shut when he doesn't do exactly what I'd like when I'd like, and I'm finding that it works out fine. Last night, I read a little prayer that states the attitude I want to acquire:

"Dear Lord, like a child with her mom, when I say now, I mean right now! Thank you for not always dropping everything in the universe and rushing to my rescue. Instead, you have allowed me to feel my neediness and experience my limitations so I will understand that it is you who will (eventually) save me. I don't want to refuse your perfect plan; I want to find refuge in you. Then I will have the stamina to make it to the end. Amen"

Opportunity for Miracles

Wow! Two posts in one day. And I need to write 10,000 words for my novel, and finish cleaning up after the moose butchering party we had this weekend. Busy, busy, busy.

What I learned while my husband and I were apart. Here's the big one.

Judges 3: 1,2,4 "Now these are the nations which the Lord left to prove Israel by them, even as many of Israel as had not known the wars of Canaan; Only that the generations of the children of Israel might know, to teach them war, at the least such as before knew nothing thereof . . . And they were to prove Israel by them, to know whether they would hearken unto the commandments of the Lord, which he commanded their fathers by the hand of Moses."

This is, of course, the story of the generation of Israelites who lived after Joshua died. Their grandparents had seen Egypt conquered, crossed the Red Sea and had their needs met for forty years in the desert. Their parents had crossed the Jordan, marched around Jericho, and seen the Lord win many battles. God deliberately left nations in the land of Canaan to test this generation for faithfulness to Him. Would they fight the battles required to maintain their relationship with him? Would they allow Him to work the same miracles in their lives that their parents and grandparents witnessed? God already knew the answer - they didn't. They turned away from Him.

But what will I do with their example? Am I willing to fight the giants in my life to maintain the realtionships that God has put in my life? Am I going to allow Him to work miracles that will draw me closer to Him? Or will I move in with the giants, ignore His commands and worship other gods?

Honestly, I have been worshipping other gods. I have been overdependent on my husband for my moods. I have spent too much time "worshipping" our marriage - which does need it's own balanced share of attention.

Later in the week, after thinking about that passage for a couple days, I came across this quote: "What if God didn't design marriage to be 'easier'? What if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place? What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"

So, I have changed my focus. I want to be holy. I know that ultimately that will lead to me being peaceful and joyful, which is better than surface happiness. There it is. My simple lesson.

On turning 33

Yes, on the 23rd of this month, I will be thirty-three. A commenter on a previous post asked me about how I feel about that. So, here's a few random thoughts about my age.

Since everybody does the whole "I'm still twenty-nine" thing, I'm trying a new approach. I married a man who is nearly four years younger than me. Since we are "one flesh" then "WE" are his age - he is, after all, the head of the home. So, until June, we were 28. In June, we turned 29. Next year, we'll be thirty.

My best friends are all older than me. So, I still feel young.

Someone said that the thirties is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. Well, my body is falling apart, when does my head come together?

My twenty-fourth birthday has actually been the worst so far. It was on that birthday that I realized that I had been doing something that required skill for twenty years. (roller skating) Next year, that will be thiry years. Leave it to me not to be bothered by the big 0's.

The worst part about my thirties so far has been that I know I'm approaching 35 - the year when you really start losing muscle weight. That scares me to death.

The best part about my thirties so far has been my kids. I love being the major influence in their lives. It' s a little frightening, but totally worth it when we get it right.

All in all, I think I feel pretty positive about my age. I hated my teen years, and my twenties were pretty turbulent. I feel myself mellowing out, and it's a good feeling.

About Me - Second Installment

Hubby and the kids are watching "I Love Lucy," so I thought I'd come to the computer and try the next twenty-five.

26. I'm not really a red-head.

27. I have the temper of a redhead - who'd have guessed.

28. My favorite drink is a Snickers Mocha Freeze from Java Junction.

29. One of my dreams is to own a Bed and Breakfast. My husband think I should NOT name it "The Loony Binn."

30. My favorite joke is, "What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a chicken? A Pit Bull."

31. I totally bombed my last test in high school. Yes, there is a reason, a very good looking one.

32. In college, I was labelled a left wing liberal for suggesting that if a man's family is starving, he has no right to own a gun worth a few hundred dollars.

33. Despite considering myself a hunter, I have never actually shot anything more alive than a tin can.

34. I have caught a fish.

35. I grew up on a farm and hated it.

36. I can't remember a single hired hand that Dad had on the farm that I didn't have a crush on at some point.

37. I once helped free a sparrow hawk from our milk house. Throwing him into the air was scary, watching him fly was awesome.

38. I love lilacs and apple blossoms.

39. I am actually working on that 45 pounds I mentioned last time.

40. I'm very hungry right now - and I just ate.

41. My birthday is this month - I will be 33.

42. I have been in three weddings in my lifetime - including my own.

43. I have attended more weddings than I can count - including two of former boyfriends.

44. I am writing a novel this month. It's National Novel Writing Month.

45. Most of my writing is loosely based on someone or something real in my life.

46. I don't really like animals, though I wouldn't mind having a nice quiet cat who liked to curl in my lap while I read.

47. My labor with my boys was considerably longer than with my girl.

48. During my first pregnancy, I craved chocolate peanut butter ice cream. Every week, I ate a half gallon on my day off, then I'd be good for the week.

49. After my wedding, my maid of honor, one of the bridesmaids, and a groomsman went to a movie. I really wanted to go, too. (Should I have realized something then?)

50. I'm tired and going to bed.

Day Four and Counting

So, here we are in day four of not talking to each other. Ha, Ha, what a hoot. I'll bet he never realized I had it in me to go that long without a decent conversation.

Well, I've got news for him. I've been talking to someone else. You see, this last fight finally broke me, and I went running into someone else's arms. On Sunday, after I spent hours trying to get Hubby to see my side - any part of it - he said, "Okay, stop. I need some room." I don't know how to explain what happened. I snapped. Something in my heart said, "He's right. Shut up." So I did.

So, I spent much of Monday angry, but saying nothing. I did some praying, as I said, lots of writing. Usually ten pages starts to calm me down. I won't write him a letter because he doesn't read, and when he does he forgets it within a few days.

Monday night as I crawled into bed, my eyes fell on a magazine. A book advertised on the page was titled, "Is God Enough for You?" And I realized He hasn't been. I mean mentally I know He should be, but I haven't been allowing Him to be.

So, I slept on the couch that night. And I dreamed about an old married couple who died choking each other. Even in death, we couldn't get their hands off each other's throats. No, I wasn't angry. :)

Tuesday, it started. I threw myself completely into the arms of God. I began to pray. I began to seriously ask God what to do about my marriage. And he has basically said, "Wait." I will probably take a few posts to share some of the things I've learned about my marriage and what God expects of me. Hope you gals don't get bored. I'd share them now, but this post is already getting long.