Family Traditions

Baking cookies has a special place in our house. Actually, when my husband and daughter join forces to make their chocolate chip cookies, they are the best in our house. They don't bake together very often, but I refuse to use their recipe, so when they want those ones, they have to do it. Do you notice the sly "Get hubby to spend quality time with his daughter" technique here?

I bake chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter cookies, oatmeal cookies, sometimes I vary the tradition with shoofly pie, pumkin roll, or cake. Every Christmas, the kids and I make Cream Wafers. I love to let the kids help me bake. My oldest son learned to count when he was two by baking cookies. As we placed the cookies on the tray, we'd count, "1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5."

Other traditions in our family are: a yearly trip to Anchorage to shop, family nights, church attendance, the big Christmas Eve party, and don't even get me started on Christmas Day - now my favorite day of the year. We always make a big deal of birthdays - birthday kid chooses the dinner menu and the cake, sometimes we have friends over.

Traditions are what memories are made of. In my parents' family, most of our memories come from summers spent in the hay fields, and VBS, a long-standing tradition since my mother has been the director for 27 years.

What traditions do you remember from your childhood? What traditions are you establishing in your family?

My Mama Done Tole Me . . . Part 2

The number one thing I learned from my parents' marriage is this: In their lifetime, my children will experience firsthand two marriages - their own and mine. Mine, in so many ways, will set a foundation for what theirs will be (Ever hear the sayings - "She married her father," or "He married his mother" - it happens.) That said, some time ago, I wrote this to my children. Though they haven't seen it, I strive to make it true.

TO MY CHILDREN:

Ten things I will do today to help your future marriages be great:

10) I will laugh at your father's jokes when no one elase does - actually I think he's pretty funny.

9) I will tell him I love him while you are listening - at least once a day.

8) I will make sure you obey the rules that we have established for you.

7) I will do my best not to let you hear your father and I argue.

6) When you do hear us argue, and you will because we are not perfect, I will make sure you also hear the apology.

5) I will keep our house clean.

4) I will thank your dad for taking such good care of us.

3) I will bake cookies at least once a week just because you and your dad like them.

2) I will exercise, because physical health gives me the energy to keep up with you.

1) I will spend time with God, because spiritual health gives me the strength to teach you to love Him and others, too.

My Mama Done Tole Me . . .

As almost any woman with a daughter will tell you, she is raising a little her. My husband often calls my daughter "Little Debbi." This can be very discouraging at times because I still have so many character traits that I need serious work on and she picks up so many of them.

Recently I've noticed something else my daughter has picked up. She treats my husband like a king. I know she got this from me, because in college, the wife of a professor told us that she had asked her husband, "How do I get you to treat me like a queen?" His response was, "Treat me like a king." As I watched their marriage, I often saw them both doing just that. So, I have tried to implement that into my marriage. And my daughter, picking up on it, has started to make sure Daddy has a drink when he's watching TV, or she asks to take his snack to him when he's working on the computer.

This - and a few other things - has gotten me to thinking about what I learned about marriage from my mother. I'm still thinking on that. Be prepared to ask that question later - What did you learn from your mother?

What I want to teach my daughter about marriage - now that's much easier. I want her to feel that being a wife and a mother is a fulfilling life. I want her to know that, while marriage is work, there is great satisfaction to be found in having a best friend, lover and co-worker all wrapped up in one person. This, of course, will be done on a daily basis with my life, not a week before she gets married with my words.

So, what do your children see on a daily basis that will encourage them to think of marriage as a positive - someday - addition to their lives?

My children see Mom greet Dad cheerfully at the door when he arrives home from work each night - often with a glass of tea in her hand.

Romantic Dinner - for five?

Well, I kinda did it. I didn't call my friend to take the kids. But I did call Hunny to see if he was going to be home late. When he didn't call back, I assumed that he would. So, here was the plan. Clean the house, grocery shop, feed kids, start dinner, shower and dress up - I'm ready by 7:30.

All was going well at 5:15 when Hunny called to say he was on his way home. He'd grab a bite to eat, then he was headed to another job. Okay, he'd be home in ten minutes. That'll give me time to get myself under control. I showered quick and put the appetizer in the oven. Dinner wouldn't be ready for him.

When he got home, I had warned the kids not to mention the "Romantic Dinner." I decided to just move on - feed him, not mention the dinner and try again some other time. It didn't work. As we sat on the bench in the entryway talking, he asked what was wrong. He said, "You look like you need to tell me something and you don't know how." I started crying. I didn't mean to, it just happened. I explained to him that I had planned a big dinner for just the two of us, and I felt stupid for thinking that it would work the way I'd hoped.

He's such a dear. He rearranged his schedule, stayed home to spend the evening with me. He showered while I fed the kids, then sent them downstairs to watch movies. We ate our dinner, then watched a movie of our own. It was a peaceful evening - except for the interruptions from hungry and arguing kids. All in all, it was a satifactory occasion.

As for yesterday's depression, I have decided to chalk it up to overanalyzing. So, my advice for today is this quote: "Don't overanalyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every twenty minutes to see how its roots are growing." - The Bill Balance Hip Handbook

Depression in Color

Depression - that's a stupid post to put in a blog titled "The Happy Wife." HAHA!! Oh well, it's my state of mind today. I have read - yet another - marriage improvement book. I don't know why I keep doing it. They all tell me the same thing. I think I'm doing them, yet .... something's missing. Maye it's just that it's September. I usually deal with depression late in October. Maybe it's early this year. It was three months late one year.

A lot of people say that when they are depressed, colors seem to fade, tastes aren't as interesting. I don't find that to be true. When I'm depressed, everything tastes better. Hence, the empty kitchen when I get over it. I was thinking about the color fading thing when I wrote the title. Bearsie's dreaming in color made me think that maybe colors do fade when I am depressed - I just don't notice it. Ah well.

The thought has crossed my mind to get rid of the kids for the night and see if that helps my mood. hmmmm! Maybe I could call my friend, do a little shopping, light some candles. . . I'll keep you posted.

Blogging Question

Okay - I'm slow. First, clarification. Jennifer - you mentioned in your last comment that you weren't privy to what Bearsie and I were talking about. That blog - Bachelor At Heart - was inspired by Bearsie's comment to my previous blog -
about how our hubbies love us. She mentioned that her husband still has some bachelor ways.

Which brings me to my question: When someone leaves a comment that I want to comment on, do I a) answer it in the comments?
b) answer it in a new post (which I chose and confused others)?
c) go to the other person's blog and write something in their comments?
d) keep my mouth shut - I already had my say on that subject?

I must say that I love blogging - I think it's the most Bearsie has heard from me in years. However, I miss chatrooms. I like the instant feedback, the diversity of opinions, etc. It was fun. I probably just need to get used to blogging format, huh?

Bachelor at Heart

I had to address this one, Bearsie. Not trying to depress you, here, but my hubby still has some bachelor habits, too. What is it with guys?

A few weeks ago, my husband came home with two boxes of a kind of cereal that everyone in the house loves. It's pretty much what I call "Frosted Sugar Bombs" and I won't buy it. He announced, "This is MY cereal. No one else touches it." WHAT!!??!! Yes, I could understand this if everyone in our household had a job, but so far the five-year-old hasn't been able to find anything. So, there they were - two boxes of cereal, and my husband only eats breakfast on weekends. This cereal was going to stare my kids in the face for a long time.

After a few days of them politely asking every day, I finally started letting them eat "Dad's" cereal. And, when they were gone one night, I mentioned to him how aweful it was that he did that. He said, "You have stuff in this house that is only yours." When I challenged him to point out one thing, he couldn't. HAHA - poor guy.

So, how can I write this without turning my blog into a guy bashing blog? How about this? He is also willing to let me have my single gal things, although they aren't habits. The other night, he found me curled on the couch reading a romance novel. I haven't done that in over a year. He encouraged me to stay where I was and not do anything for a while. Just relax as if I didn't have kids. So, I don't think guys realize that being married and having a family isn't a full time job that your done with after a few hours every day. Which means it's a good thing us gals do see it as a 24-7 thing. Otherwise, the kids could be on their own for way too many hours a day. And in all honesty, when they are really needed most guys are willing to pitch in and help. Ah, we complement each other. That's the way God intended it, right?

My Creative Husband

I know that my husband loves me. Sometimes when he doesn't love me the way I want to be loved, I forget that. So, I try to remember to look for HIS way of loving me.

Hubby is a very creative guy. For instance, he is currently building a 14' by 24' deck which he designed himself. How difficult can it be to design a deck? you ask.
Well, this deck is attached to a house that has tile in the entry way - laid out in a diamond pattern instead of square with the house. There are also a couple other diamond motifs in the house - I can't remember what they are. While he was in the home, talking to the customer about the deck, my husband noticed the diamonds. Hence, he is now building a deck with a huge diamond shape in the middle of it. Customer is loving it.

So, what does that have to do with him loving me? The fact that his creative abilities lend to remodeling a house before we build it. :) The other night, I was looking at a house we are hoping to build next year. He knew that I was trying to rework the kitchen/breakfast area. Suddenly, a piece of paper fell into my lap. On it was an enlarged version of the floor plan I was working with - with the kitchen and breakfast area completely erased - it was a blank area that I could draw in and erase as much as I wanted. Three days later, I'm still playing with my piece of paper :). I've also found the pages that he had to reconfigure and cut out and copy several times to create that single sheet for me. And I know he loves me. Off the top of my head, I can't think of anything that would have been a better small gesture.

So, my question: What are subtle ways - maybe that you have to think about - that your husband loves you?